What does it mean if your ex writes? Why does an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend write after a breakup? What a guy should do if he wants to come back
Hello, This is Lesha Doc and in this article I will answer the question of a guy who found himself in a difficult situation
And the subject of his letter sounds like this: “Why is the ex-girlfriend writing?
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I'll answer you personally.
My personal email: [email protected] (everything is free)
And here is his letter that he sent to me:
Hi Lesha. I was shocked by the change in thinking. I will write briefly and meaningfully.
I had a relationship with a girl. 5 years. Last year, due to my busyness (Searching for work and college), on New Year's Eve from 2013-2014 I was informed that I was going at a cheerful, friendly pace. She found another guy, this is her classmate. As soon as I entered the university, I fell in love with it.
In fact, I have already done my best. Well there is no way. I already mentally understood that this was the end. But at one fine moment, I said to myself, enough and finally killed her. That is, make sure that nothing reminds you of her.
The first call from her was that year before the New Year(2014-2015), was interested in my personal life. Well, what could life be like at that time in Donetsk? There's no time for that. Then there was silence from her for six months and now she has been writing to me for 2 months. Not often, but regularly.
It's hard for me to understand her motive.. I changed my phone number. And he asked her not to write. But no, I found my work email and wrote there.
PS: She is in a relationship at the moment.
PS2: It hurts me when she writes. For the old strong resentment against her had not gone away. When I crossed her out of my life and didn’t remember everything was fine. Now she is looming again and it makes me feel sick.
She's 20. I'm 23.
Logically I understand that I need to send it. But my ungrown eggs don’t allow me to do this.
So, let's understand this situation
What can you say about the guy?
This guy's problem is... that he doesn't know how to meet girls, this is where all his mistakes and depression come from. In other words, he broke up with his girlfriend a year ago and until now, due to his fear and neediness, he has not met anyone.
As a result of this, he still continues to hope that his ex-girlfriend will come back to him and he won’t have to overcome all his fears and doubts. And therefore, he is ready to forgive this girl anything, the main thing is that she still returns to him.
And then the most interesting thing happens, the ex-girlfriend begins to write to him once every six months and then he understands, that all is not lost and that means she still loves him and, most likely, she will return to him and everything will work out for them.
But it happens that a girl does not write to him for a very long time and the guy gets depressed, because he understands that he is helpless in this situation.
As for the girl:
The girl knows very well that this guy still has no one, and he still only loves her alone. This means you can make fun of him and thereby increase your self-esteem.
She’s doing well, she has a boyfriend and she’s happy with everything about him, but sometimes she gets bored because she lacks emotion and courage, it is at this moment that she begins to write to your ex as if nothing had happened.
And reads his answers with joy, plus tells him how great she is with her boyfriend and how everything is fine with them and then looks at the reaction of his ex and gets a kick out of it.
So, I answer the guy’s question: “ Why is your ex-girlfriend writing?»
In this situation, she writes only to to boost your self-esteem and watch your ex-boyfriend's reaction, because deep down, she wants drama and negativity. She's like a vampire who feeds on negativity and loves it when her ex-boyfriend gets hurt.
What need to do?
You urgently need to start working on yourself and learn to get acquainted, because without this you will turn into God knows what kind of creature that no girl will turn her gaze to. And as soon as you find a worthy girl, you will immediately forget about your ex. My distance learning course will help you.
This article is just a small part of what is on my sites, they contain a lot of useful and practical information on this and other topics that interest you. You can immediately successfully use this information in practice with girls, without wasting your time. Now I have 2 sites: lesha-dok..
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- Why does my ex suddenly decide to write?
- How to respond to your ex's messages
- What negative reasons make your ex write to you?
- What positive reason does your ex find to write to you?
- What does the phrase “You were right” mean when an ex writes?
- Trying to figure out if they made the right choice
- They want to see if you still have affection for your ex.
- You started living again
- Take your ex's messages as an indicator. If your ex writes to you, take it as a compliment to your energy level.
- Be friends if you value such relationships. A year or two after breaking up, you shouldn’t try to make friends with your ex. This is a difficult period when the experience of loss will not allow friendship to be sincere, and one of you will hope to return everything and suffer. Over time, the pain will subside, other interests and desires will appear, and perhaps friendly relations with your ex will be pleasant and beneficial to you. Friendship with an ex can consist of help, support, cooperation, etc.
- Be amazed at the wisdom of the universe and thank it. Breaking up is always hard. The confusion of the feelings you are experiencing does not allow you to adequately assess the situation and understand that the universe is preparing something more for you. Only after a while do you begin to understand that this was not a drama or a tragedy of fate, but a gift from it. The more time passes, the more clearly the grand design of the universe becomes visible.
- Boredom
- Out of curiosity
- Boast of
- Need free sex without obligation
- Needs self-esteem boost
- Plays with you
- Your ex still has feelings for you and wants to get back together
- Your ex wants to remain friends with you
- There is still some unsaidness between you
- Ex feels guilty
I perceive as exes those with whom I lived together, with whom I tried to start a family. There are two of them.
The third attempt was successful.
it happens.. let’s say it’s inadvertently remembered when some positive quality that was observed in the former is not observed in the current young man..
I fell in love once, I realized that I was wrong twice... (c)
there were two, each of them is unique and not repeated)))
Each of them had something that set them apart from the rest... That's why I loved them.
She loved all her men. Such... strange and different love for everyone.
Distract yourself with something else (new girlfriend, sport, hobby...)
Memories stir the soul.
depending on what he writes, if it’s so simple, hello, how are you? it doesn’t bother you, but if the dripping in the past starts again, it becomes disgusting
Experience shows that nothing good comes from restoring old relationships. This is akin to sadomasochism or a rake that is stepped on twice.
And even more so if he offers to meet and immediately cancels everything. This suggests that he is trying to arouse old feelings in you, but he doesn’t need you as a girl. Sadyuga.
He is clearly not free, since he is constantly busy with something. But he needs an “alternate airfield” - a girl who will fly in on demand.
Weigh the pros and cons. Are a couple of meetings worth the future spent nerves, a broken heart, tears and snot? Try to remember all the negative aspects associated with this man.
Sometimes it happens that even after breaking up, your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend continues to write to you on social networks or even send SMS. How to evaluate such behavior?
Analyzing the situation
There may be several reasons why an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend writes.
Your ex still has feelings for you and wants to reconnect
Some time after a breakup, a person may reevaluate your relationship. Having felt what it is like to live without you, your loved one will understand that the separation was a mistake. Accordingly, the easiest way to re-establish yourself will be through various messages.
If you do not share his desires, then it is better to say so right away so as not to torment the person.
Your partner wants to build a friendship with you
Often two people who are completely unhappy with each other as lovers become excellent friends. They have a great time in each other's company: go to the movies and cafes, discuss the latest games and books, have picnics with mutual friends, and so on.
Perhaps this type of relationship will suit you too, because after a breakup maintaining friendly relations is more than modern. Therefore, if the ex writes, offering harmless friendly communication, then why not agree.
There is still some unsaidness between you
Perhaps the reason why an ex-girlfriend writes (usually this is typical of ladies) is an attempt to clarify those issues that remain unresolved in your relationship. This could be an old unspoken grievance or some incident that became very important for your relationship, but which you never really had time to talk about.
By reconnecting, your ex-girlfriend may simply be trying to “complete her gestalt.” If you have a good attitude towards this person, then it would be quite logical to meet halfway and discuss with your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend the issue that concerns him/her.
Partner feels guilty
If the separation occurred on the initiative of one of the partners, then by sending you messages (for example, congratulations on the holidays), the ex-lover is trying to soften the blow and make sure that everything is okay with you. And maybe even ask for forgiveness.
Perhaps it makes sense to let the person speak out, because then it will be easier not only for the ex, but also for you.
Plays with you
There are men and women who enjoy playing love games with others. They are attracted by the very idea that they are dear to someone, loved by someone. Even without the desire to date you, such a person will try to maintain contact even after breaking up, just so that he can get his share of pleasure from your feelings for him.
In this situation, such selfishness will be the only reason why the ex or ex is writing. It would be simply stupid to hope for anything. Therefore, it is better to break such a connection once and for all, starting life from scratch with another person.
An ex-man is the one without whom, just recently, life had no meaning, the one with whom parting brought a lot of tears, the one whom you so painfully forgot about. Time passes, taking with it the days of empty hope to receive at least some news from him. You get used to living without him and for yourself, when suddenly a message arrives: “Hello! How are you?" There is one question in my head: “Why is the ex writing?” There may be many reasons that prompted him to remind you of himself.
From this article you will learn:
Why do exes start writing?
Until recently, you couldn’t imagine your life without him. You were together, loving, happy. And it doesn’t matter at all how long it lasted - several months or many years. But then you broke up. For a while your life has lost its meaning. You are sad, angry, crying, losing pounds. Then you console yourself with your girlfriends, visit a psychologist, play sports, travel around the world, and pick up new hobbies. You do everything to understand that life does not end with this parting.
Time passes. You look great again, go to theaters, concerts and dates, smile in the morning and scroll through pleasant moments in your head before going to bed. Your ex appears in your life completely unexpectedly, in the form of a short message: “Hello! How are you?" The heart is alarmed, and there are only questions in the head. Why is your ex texting again? How should I behave? What does he need?
Reflecting on the topic of why exes write, I remember a story from the life of porcupines. Having frozen on a cool night, porcupines roll up to each other to warm up. But when they come close, the long needles hurt them and roll away in different directions in pain. The porcupines spend the night in unsuccessful attempts to warm each other.
So do former men, something similar happens to them. Most often they “roll” back. The whole question is why?
Any man is a pragmatist, most of them have an analytical mind. Having once made a decisive move, he must be confident in the correctness of his choice, so he periodically checks its relevance. It doesn’t matter whether it’s marriage to a woman or a breakup with her. At the same time, when you ask yourself the question “Why is he writing if there is another?”, you must understand that men remember their ex-girlfriends in those moments when something doesn’t go well with their current ones. The frequency of his appearances will tell you without words about the dynamics of his personal life.
When the initiator of the breakup is a former man, especially if he simply moved away without explanation, then he retains a sense of ownership towards the woman. In this case, he appears to make sure that nothing has changed and that your feelings for him are still strong.
Your emotions help him make sure of this. It doesn't matter if they are positive or negative. If you love and wait, it means you belong to him. If you hate and suffer, you also belong to him. That's why he's trying to get an emotional reaction out of you. What the ex is absolutely not ready for is cold-blooded, benevolent indifference, making it clear that you are no longer his.
A man is drawn to a happy and confident woman like a magnet. Plunging headlong into your relationship, you focus on the man, gradually forgetting about all the diversity of life. This is what devastates you and makes you uninteresting. The man moves away and eventually suggests breaking up. After the breakup, you don’t really live for a long time, remaining empty, and he doesn’t remember you. But as soon as you return to life - doing things you love, hanging out with friends, enjoying walks, going on dates, making career progress - you are filled with the positive energy of success. And you become interesting to him again.
How to react if your ex texts you
6 negative reasons why your ex writes after a breakup
Unfortunately, the most common explanation for why an ex writes is simple boredom. Tired of cabbage soup cooked by your wife or new girlfriend, tired of stupid programs on TV, drunk beer, cloudy weather, bored. While wandering the Internet, he accidentally sees your photo and remembers your existence.
Why not write a couple of lines while no one cares about him? It’s so boring that even banal communication with an ex-girlfriend is quite capable of brightening up the evening. Plus there's nostalgia.
Some thoughts brought back memories of you, giving rise to a desire to find out how you live without him and whether you live at all? What are you doing? Do you suffer about him or not? Very often they wonder if there is a new man? And then he writes you a message: “Hi! How are you?"
It is a well-known fact that men love to brag, especially to “fluff their tail” in front of their ex-girlfriend. In order to “unobtrusively” demonstrate your new car, girlfriend or yourself, your ex will not be too lazy to specifically search for your pages on the Internet. If you were the initiator of the breakup, then it hurt him painfully. It is especially important for him to prove that he has succeeded. So he writes: “Hello!” and casually boasts of imaginary and real achievements not at all in order to communicate with his former love. This is a kind of revenge.
A win-win. A boring evening, lack of money for a nightclub, cafe and paid love, or maybe just a reluctance to bother, forces him to review the list of “ex”, find the most accessible of them and remind her of himself. He writes that he misses you or simply invites you over and that’s it, the evening is no longer so monotonous. If one ex did not agree to come, then another will be found.
Nothing can raise a man's self-esteem more than a woman constantly thinking about him. They don’t talk about it directly and out loud they only casually throw out phrases like: “Two years have passed since our breakup, and she is still alone,” “Her wedding is coming soon, but she still writes to me,” “Our breakup was so hard for her.” that she went to a monastery”, “Even being married and having given birth to three children, she still loves me.”
In those moments when he slightly doubts his irresistibility because of a quarrel with his wife, a girl’s refusal, a broken date or something similar, the man remembers that he had Dasha, who understood him so much, appreciated him and to this day sheds tears for him . She is absolutely sure that this man is irresistible, unique and irreplaceable, so he finds her number and writes: “Hello! How are you?"
Convinced that he is not forgotten, but still loved and desired, he falls asleep contentedly. Ex-Dasha will also sleep peacefully until his new mental crisis.
Some men are not averse to playing love games with others. They love the idea of being valued and loved by someone. He may not even plan to meet with you after the breakup, but at the same time he constantly writes, just to get a portion of satisfaction from your feelings for him.
In this case, such selfishness is the only reason why the ex is writing. You shouldn't hope that everything will come back. It’s better to cut off such a connection at the root, once and for all letting him know that you are not a toy. Open your way to a new life with another person.
4 reasons with a “+” sign explaining why ex-boyfriends write
There can be many reasons for separation. It happens that over time a person reevaluates past relationships, finding in them something that he had not noticed at all before. Having tried to live without you, your ex may realize that he made a terrible mistake and will begin to look for a reason and opportunity to talk to you. Since sending a message is the easiest way to remind you of yourself, he sits down and writes it to you.
Without sharing his desire to renew the relationship, it is better to tell him about it right away so as not to entertain him with illusions.
Relationships between people are multifaceted. It happens that two people who are completely unsatisfied with each other as lovers become great friends. They just have a great time together: going to the movies and cafes, playing sports, discussing new games and books, having picnics with friends, etc.
It is now considered very modern to maintain friendly relations after a breakup. Maybe this option will suit your couple too, and then you won’t have to look for the answer to the question of why your ex is writing.
The rift in the relationship may have come as a surprise to both of you and left some issues unresolved. In addition, old unspoken grievances or important cases and problems that you never had time to discuss may be the answer to the question of why your ex is writing.
In trying to connect with you, he may be trying to complete unfinished business. If you still have a good attitude towards him, then you can meet him halfway and discuss the issues that concern him.
It’s worse if you weren’t the initiator of the breakup. It hurts more. Having received a message from him after a while, you think about why your ex is writing, how should you behave? He simply softens the blow, asks for forgiveness, feeling guilty.
It makes sense to listen to him, perhaps it will become easier for both you and him.
Why does an ex-boyfriend write: the psychology of the phrase “You were right”
Any girl expects tender words from her man. Parting changes priorities, making the phrase: “You were right” the most desirable. Time passes. Expectations and hopes of getting him back are replaced by desire and readiness to start a new life with another person. That’s when you receive a message: “You were right” and you don’t know how to behave, why your ex is writing, what he needs.
You have long stopped hoping to communicate with him, learned to live without it, realized that parting is not the end of life, it is full of more interesting young people. Never respond to him, especially to a short message like: “I miss you.” Remember: never. He has no feelings of guilt, but is simply interested in how things are going.
This behavior and attempt to control everything characterizes dependent and weak people who use others to raise their own rating in their head. Most likely, he was not having the best day, someone hurt his ego and he needs to boost his self-esteem. Confident that you will be there to lick his wounds at the first call, he writes you a message.
He doesn’t yet know that you have long been different - strong, beautiful, smart and worthy of much more. You forgave him, but you forgot nothing. You are no longer his and you will never come. You don't need him at all.
Even what you once so wanted to receive and hear from him, now does not make you happy. Let him know that you read his message, then send his number to the blacklist, enjoy the fact that now only you are in control of your life and be happy!
Thank you for reading this article to the end.
Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!
It’s already a difficult task. But getting over a breakup becomes much more difficult if your ex-boyfriend regularly sends you funny pictures on social networks, likes yours, and generally behaves as if you decided to remain friends (although in reality nothing like that happened).
If all of the above is your case, then it is quite possible that your ex wants to get you back. And here are ten signs that will help you make sure of this.
You know nothing about his personal life - but not because you are not interested, but because, most likely, there is none (another option: he carefully hides this fact even from close friends, which is quite strange). If your ex still loves you, then it is logical that he will not date someone else while there is at least a minimal chance of a happy reunion.
2. He makes you think he misses you.
It’s worth thinking about if he regularly writes in his status something like “My life has suddenly become empty for you” or “It’s a pity that some things cannot be returned.” Or if he posts photos of you together. Or when he writes on the wall that he is watching a film for the hundredth time that was always only “yours.”
3. He contacts you with or without reason.
If your ex wants to get you back, he will call and write much more often than etiquette dictates for couples who have separated. In fact, sometimes he may contact you about all sorts of trifles or dial your number when he objectively has nothing to say. Have you noticed that he regularly comes up with excuses for calls? 99 times out of 100, this means he's incredibly bored.
4. He finds ways to be close to you.
If the man you broke up with still has feelings, he will continue to act in a very warm or flirty manner. So pay attention to his behavior: a soft voice, a whisper in your ear and a habit of holding your elbow when he wants to say something important - all these are signs that very soon he will propose to get back together.
5. He loves to reminisce about your relationship.
Ex-partners who find it difficult to move on (and are not at all sure that they want to) most often talk about past relationships as something wonderful. If, every time you meet, your ex begins a story in the style of “Do you remember how we ...”, or makes assumptions on the topic “1000 and 1 reasons why we broke up,” it is quite obvious that he hopes that you will give him a second chance.
6. He constantly talks about how much he has changed.
If your ex isn't asking, but is demanding that you give him the opportunity to apologize for the mistakes he made in the relationship, it could be for at least two reasons. The first is that he wants to clear his karma and move forward. Second, he wants to clear a certain area of karma in order to invite you to start over with a clean slate.
7. He's jealous (and can't hide it)
Depending on the degree of his jealousy, this may or may not be pleasant. So, for example, if your ex gets annoyed when he sees you openly flirting with another man, this may make you feel extremely positive. But if he gets angry every time you start talking to a man, it's time to tell him that this is not normal. One way or another, both of these manifestations indicate that he is not as happy without you as he would like.
8. He regularly appears in your favorite places
If you run into your ex-lover wherever you go, and it happens a little more than every day, then you definitely have cause for concern. True, only if you do not want to renew the relationship. We recommend that you do not try to analyze the situation, but ask directly what is happening and how you should react to it. Further actions depend on the circumstances.
9. He calls you every time he drinks.
The phenomenon of calling exes under the influence of a certain amount of alcohol recently received an official name from psychologists - drunk dialing. There may be nothing serious about calls from a bar if this has happened no more than twice in the entire time (imagine that no one except you answered him). But if you hear his voice on the phone on Friday evenings with enviable consistency, you can be sure that he still feels something.
10. He directly says, “I miss you.”
A man openly tells you that he would like to turn back time and change everything? Believe me, it was very, very difficult for him to decide to take such a step. But if he finally pulled himself together and did it, he should be respected for his courage. And at this time you should think about whether you were both right when you wanted to end your relationship.
