“Pampering cannot be controlled!” Robin Berman. My review. You can't control pampering Robert Berman You can't control pampering

Project Manager M. Shalunova

Corrector E. Chudinova

Computer layout A. Abramov

Cover design S. Zolina

Art Director S. Timonov

The cover design uses images from the photo bank Shutterstock.com

Published in arrangement with HarperCollins Publishers

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet or corporate networks, for private or public use without the written permission of the copyright owner.

* * *

To my wonderful husband, who provided me with invaluable support while working on the book - and throughout our entire life together.

To my beloved children, who help me grow above myself.

My heart is filled with love for you!

Introduction

There are people - and there are quite a few of them - who continue to dream throughout their lives of loving, caring parents whom they are not lucky enough to have. As a psychotherapist, I am often overcome with sadness when my patients tearfully recall their childhood, the moments that made them suffer, and admit that it still affects their lives. Many times I have dreamed of having a magic wand, going back in time and changing these situations - before they affect my patients, their self-perception and sense of their place in the world. I hope that this book will become for you the magic wand that will help you turn into the kind of parents your children dream of.

I myself adore children. For as long as I can remember, they have always surrounded me. I was a babysitter, then a camp counselor, a teacher's assistant, and finally entered medical school, dreaming of becoming a pediatrician or child psychiatrist. And then I realized that children who are healthy in all respects only grow up with healthy parents, and I decided that this is the area where my calling lies. If we pay more attention to how we parent, we will save our children from a lot of trouble in the future. Think how much freer and happier you would be if your parents were smarter about their upbringing and cared more about what you really need.

When I wrote this book, my only goal was to awaken the best feelings in the souls of mothers and fathers, so that they would take their parental responsibilities with full responsibility. As a doctor, I believe in prevention. And this book is, first of all, a means of preventing parental mistakes. It is my sincere hope that what I have written will help you build a deeper, more emotional relationship with your children. I have never been close to the traditional ideas about parenting, preserved from those times when the child was seen but not heard, when punishments were exclusively physical and did not take long to arrive, and hitting children was considered quite natural. Back then, shaming and intimidation were perceived as effective methods of controlling children's behavior, and I have often heard from today's adults that as children they were afraid of their parents or constantly felt a sense of shame. I can assure you that this does not at all contribute to the development of self-esteem.

Today, the generation of eternally rejected children has grown up - and wants to give their children more attention than they received from their parents. These new parents read books, go to lectures, and absorb progressive views. Many of them seriously care about instilling self-respect in their children. I like their approach. But, like when playing a game of broken telephone, its meaning is lost as the action progresses. As a result, instead of simply gaining a voice that was not previously theirs, children become the center of the universe. The usual family hierarchy collapses, and the child becomes the boss, pushing the elders around as he pleases. Somehow, the idea of instilling adequate self-esteem in a child has become an attempt to give him the right to behave as he pleases, to shake his every move, shower him with excessive praise, never say “no” - all for fear of hurting his feelings.

In trying to satisfy every desire of the child in order to make him happy, parents achieve the opposite result. The pendulum swung in the other direction - and this led to the emergence of a whole generation of princes and princesses and peas, each of whom considers himself the chosen one and at the same time gives in to the slightest difficulty. The desire to instill in children a sense of self-esteem has turned out to be the wrong side - and all because of a lack of understanding of what, in fact, this feeling grows from. Parents of such children think more about distinctions than about academic results, and consider competition more important than mutual understanding. Finding ourselves in a rapidly changing world, we have lost the ability to look into the distance, have lost inner harmony and peace of mind. And is it surprising that we have failed to give our children what we do not possess ourselves? The pendulum has swung too far. As a result, children no longer feel rejected - instead, they have become objects of overprotection. At the same time, their most important deep needs are still not satisfied. With the best of intentions, we left them vulnerable to stress. As a result, children and adolescents increasingly suffer from increased levels of anxiety, depression, drug addiction and suicidal tendencies. And I believe that I simply have to help them.

So, is it really impossible to avoid extremes in education and find a middle ground? Perhaps it is to select the best from the experience of our parents and from the latest theories, discarding what is not useful?

For example, in the past the main thing was respect for parents, but today we are promoting respect for children. But what if you try to build relationships based on mutual respect?

In the past, children were afraid of their parents; today they successfully suppress them emotionally. Perhaps it is worth setting boundaries within which everyone will feel loved and important?

"Shame on you!" Previously, this phrase was a familiar mantra that poisoned the lives of many children. Today we overfeed them with endless “Great!” and “Well done!” Let's try to praise children for specific achievements worthy of encouragement. And it’s better to throw the word “shameful” out of your vocabulary altogether.

We constantly drag our children to various activities, place boundless expectations on them - and at the same time on ourselves - and ultimately deprive ourselves of the opportunity to simply spend time together as a family. Parenting turns from a close relationship into a profession. But still, this is, first of all, a relationship with a child, and extremely important for him. After all, our ideas about ourselves are formed, for the most part, based on how we were treated in childhood. It is in childhood that children learn love and trust. In childhood, the foundations of our self-perception are laid and the core of our personality is formed. A strong emotional connection with parents gives a sense of security, which helps to live in peace with ourselves and boldly build our own destiny. That is why I decided to write a book dedicated to this connection. While working on it, I could be guided solely by my own experience - as a mother, psychotherapist and leader of parent groups. But still, I wanted to cover the problem more broadly, using the knowledge and experience of my favorite teachers, talented mentors, parents, wonderful pediatricians, experienced general practitioners, and the children themselves too. I proceeded from the fact that ideas that unite such dissimilar people will certainly help us look at the problem in a new way, more emotionally and at the same time more sensibly, and, perhaps, understand that it is simpler than it seems. This book is a collection of collective wisdom. Here I will share with you the opinions of people with whose help I manage to resolve my own parenting doubts. After all, what could be worse than dealing with them alone! It's too complicated, and it's simply impossible to find the right solution every time. No one can do this. Even if at one time or another you know exactly what to do, your instincts can easily react faster than your mind. Sometimes parenting can feel like an overwhelming burden. And this is understandable: you are so worried, you love so much, you want to do everything right!.. Well, now the experience of many people will come to your aid. You are free to take from it what seems reasonable and appropriate to you, discarding the rest. I took notes for the interview for this book by hand - with a regular pen on regular paper. I tried to write down as completely as possible the thoughts that my interlocutors generously shared with me. But I did not record them verbatim and did not check the facts presented. I just tried to capture the main thing in each of the stories told. I present many of them exactly as I heard them, without a single edit. However, I removed or changed those details that could help identify the characters. Some of the stories described unfolded over many days or even years - I combined disparate episodes to more clearly express the essence of what happened and more clearly convey to you the thoughts of my interlocutors. There are cases here both from my own practice and from the lives of my patients, there are also stories about which I have read, heard or observed their development from the outside.

Working on this book taught me a lot. And the main conclusion I made is this: to be a parent means to educate, first of all, yourself, and then your children. They give us the opportunity to grow and become more mature individuals - if, of course, we allow them to do so. But only in this case can we become the wonderful parents we dream of being. And by giving our children the best that we have, we thus get the opportunity to thank them for entrusting us with the most valuable of responsibilities - the education of their souls.

Chapter 1
You hate it now, you'll thank it later

I often ask modern mothers a question: “If you walked onto a plane and saw a four-year-old pilot in the cockpit, would you feel safe?” Remember: you are flying the plane, not your child.

Idell Natterson, psychologist

If you want to know what modern parenting is like, head to Starbucks. No doubt you will soon meet at least one child there. Oh, here he is: a charming four-year-old boy with touching blond curls. But all the charm instantly disappears as soon as he opens his mouth and starts whining, begging his mother for cookies and a chocolate shake - although this is not the first time she asks him to choose one.

At this point, everyone standing in line begins to listen: they hope that the mother will still hold her position, although deep down they know very well that she is unlikely to succeed. At least I always root for the underdog athlete whose name is mother. The louder the child brawls, the more awkward those around him feel. “I want both a cocktail and cookies! I don't want to choose! You are angry!" The whole line rolls their eyes. At this moment I have to pull myself together so as not to interfere. Finally, I go up to the counter, order a latte, and see the boy smiling triumphantly at me with a cookie and a chocolate shake in his hands. I smile back at him and think, “Well, see you on my couch in 20 years!”

Why is this scene seen as completely normal in today's parenting culture? Why do modern parents allow their children to suppress themselves emotionally? Mothers and fathers often feel like hostages to their offspring. Previously, no one listened to children, but now they have become the center of the universe. The pendulum has swung in the other direction - and now we have to find a middle ground between these two extremes of education.

I think modern parents are too careless about maintaining their own authority. Once they were held in a fist and no belt was spared for them - and they swore that they would never hit their child. The idea is wonderful - but don't you think we've gone too far? The parental authority structure is broken. Modern parents are afraid to take the position that rightfully belongs to them - the position on the captain's bridge. But if there is no captain on the ship, it will not sail or, even worse, will sink.

I'm often tempted to take the prescription form and write on it, "I give you permission to be a parent."

Many doctors offer similar recipes:

Parenthood is an autocracy, not a democracy at all. Children must follow the rules, otherwise they will become unmanageable.

Dr. Lee Stone, pediatrician

Children want to know that someone is responsible for them, someone is protecting them. Don't be afraid to assume that your opinion is good for the child. Don't be afraid to take responsibility.

Dr. Daphne Hirsch, pediatrician

A parent is a benevolent dictator.

Dr. Robert Landau, pediatrician

Patients should not be allowed to run a mental hospital.

Dr. Ken Newman, pediatrician

Today, children, unfortunately, too often find themselves at the helm. And keep in mind: if you indulge their bad behavior, you will inevitably come to this result.

At a birthday party, a seven-year-old girl approached the hostess and asked if there would be ice cream with the cake, and if so, would it be with chocolate chips or not? The birthday boy's mother, completely exhausted by the festive fuss, muttered in response: “Probably, yes.” And so, when the moment of the traditional chant “Happy Birthday to You!” came, Susie’s dissatisfied, demanding voice was heard: “I want ice cream!” The birthday boy’s mother was clearly angry: the girl didn’t even think to accompany her request with the words “sorry” or “please.” Nevertheless, she took out a package of ice cream with chunks of biscuit and began to fill Susie's plate. “It’s not chocolate chip!” - Susie screamed even louder and more capriciously. - It's with biscuit! You promised with chocolate chips! I don’t like it with biscuit!” The birthday boy’s mother affectionately addressed the girl: “Sorry, I was wrong. I thought it had chocolate chips. If you don't want ice cream with sponge cake, get popsicles."

Surely you already guessed what happened next. Of course, everything was not as we would have liked. Of course, ideally, Susie’s mother should have appeared on the scene immediately, who would have gently explained to her daughter that her disappointment was understandable, but she was offered a choice of two types of dessert, and if she was not satisfied with this, there was a third way - to get up and leave with holiday, since she is not able to behave appropriately. And without exception, all the parents present at the holiday would secretly dream that Susie would choose the third path...

“I don’t want popsicles!” And I don’t like it with biscuit!” – Susie continued to scream.

All eyes turned to Susie's mother, who stood up from her seat and headed towards her daughter. The drama of this scene made the guests forget even about the birthday boy: they tensely watched as the mother tried to calm her child. “Darling, my sunshine, my angel! The ice cream with biscuit is simply wonderful! Well, try it, please!” - she persuaded the girl. Susie still looked at her from under her brows. “You love popsicles! – her mother continued to fuss. “Would you like an orange one?” “Noooo! - Susie sobbed. “I want it with chocolate chips!” We all looked at Susie's mother, spellbound, with our necks craned, like spectators at a tennis match, hoping that the athlete would have enough strength to hit the winning shot. But Susie's mother did something we never expected. Instead of calmly insisting on her own, asserting her parental authority, she began frantically choosing pieces of biscuit from the plate, throwing them into her mouth. She tried her best to fulfill the role of peacemaker to the end. I felt like a victim on a prank TV show. We waited and waited... But Ashton Kutcher never showed up.

Possessing unlimited power is unsafe, first of all, for the child himself. Parents dance more and more desperately in front of their child, trying to pacify him - instead of finally establishing their authority and establishing clear boundaries. And if you increasingly catch yourself trying to bribe your child or bargain with him, know that you have lost power in the family and are no longer in control of the situation.

First, understand that children who have too much power do not feel safe. They often experience anxiety because they believe that they should control their own lives, while realizing that they are not yet able to do this. This stress, in turn, triggers a veritable avalanche of dangerous neurochemical reactions. Creating a situation with your own hands in which a child’s developing brain is literally drowning in the “stress hormone” - cortisol - is not the wisest step on the part of parents.

More than once I have had to treat adult patients who suffered from excessive anxiety. One of them described this problem very accurately: “As a child, I felt very uncomfortable, realizing how easily I could manipulate my parents. There was some kind of danger in this.”

It seems to me that modern parents do not know how to cope with moments when their children experience negative emotions. But you will have to learn to observe their disappointments and other unpleasant feelings without immediately rushing to save them from their worries. Otherwise, you will inevitably, although unintentionally, disfigure the child’s psyche. After all, if you are not able to survive their negative emotions, how can they learn to do this themselves?

Your job as a parent is to teach your child to calm down. You have to help him build his own “emotional immunity.” The vaccine injects a microscopic dose of bacteria or viruses into our blood, thereby helping to build immunity in case we encounter a real infection. Consider that by helping children cope with unpleasant feelings, rather than immediately trying to get rid of them, you are giving them an “emotional vaccine,” a weapon that will help them cope with emotional problems in the future. Parents who are afraid to even think about upsetting their precious child and who try to protect him from disappointment at all costs are doing the child a disservice.

By fulfilling your parental responsibilities with dignity, you may lose the favor of your offspring for some time. But even in this case, continue to think: “Now you hate me, but later you will thank me.” Are you willing to put up with a little whining in order to raise your child into a confident adult?

Think about what behavior strategy Susie was taught by her mother? “If you are dissatisfied, scream and be capricious as loudly as possible in order to insist on your own. Your whims are more important than the desires of anyone present.” Try to imagine what little Susie will be like when she grows up. Would you like to date such a girl? Most likely, after the first meeting, no one will want to continue their relationship with her.

Our excessive kindness can ultimately turn into cruelty. To do the right thing, we need courage and common sense. Seek support in understanding the fact that authoritative parents - those who listen to the child's opinion, encourage him to be independent, and at the same time clearly and consistently defend his dominant position - ultimately grow up children who are well adjusted to life. Today, it is much easier to spoil a child than to set the necessary boundaries, but at the end of the day, it is your responsibility to help your child deal with and regulate his emotions. If parents are helpless in dealing with their children's feelings, they will inevitably grow up to be emotionally vulnerable.

My problem is that the kids know that my “no” actually means “maybe.”

Mother of three, New York

It is impossible to become a real parent by following the path of least resistance.

Mark, divorced father

The only way to complicate your child's adult life is to make his childhood too simple.

Betsy Brown, parenting consultant

Modern parents are ready to endure children's upheavals and whims for too long. Some mothers seem to have an inexhaustible supply of patience - they are ready to endlessly bargain with their children and endure their tantrums, while feeling like the heroines of The Stepford Wives. Their children are capricious, whining, screaming, and their parents just helplessly listen to these screams.

I’m just wondering how many times today’s young parents can repeat, “If you do that again, I’ll...”?

Carrie, grandma

What amazes me most is how helpful parents become when their child begins to bargain with them. It seems that they are touched by how dexterous and smart their child shows himself - instead of finally getting tired of his endless attempts to defend his desires. The simplest tasks - for example, going to bed or leaving the park - lead to arguments for a quarter of an hour. It's truly exhausting.

The power structure in the family has been turned upside down, and as a result, many children feel overwhelmed by this burden. They talk more and more, faster, just to get their way - and in the end everyone ends up in a state of stress. Parents ask me again and again: how to get back to the right state of things?

The most effective method for stopping the little talker is what I call “reverse negotiations.” It is somewhat reminiscent of a magic spell. It works like this: you must tell your child that you are no longer going to bargain with him. If you think this task is incredibly difficult, it will turn out to be so. But wait, that's not all! Next, you explain to the child that if he tries to bargain for something for himself again, he will not receive not only what he hopes for, but also what you offered him from the very beginning. Let's look at a small example:

PARENT: Today you go to bed at eight o’clock.

CHILD: But I want to play until half past eight!

PARENT: No, you go to bed at eight.

CHILD: But it's too early!

PARENT: You'll go to bed at a quarter to eight.

CHILD: Okay, at eight.

PARENT: No, now it’s only half past seven.

Your task is to insist on this last bedtime. Stand firm in your position. No concessions! And don't panic ahead of time. Ahhhh... and silence. Everything is calm, everything is fine. It was as if someone had finally turned off the radio that was irritating in the background. If you manage to hold your ground, your juvenile speaker will disappear - and in his place will appear a charming child in cute pajamas, ready to immediately go to bed. Krible-krible-boom! And magically, that eternal phrase “If you try one more time...”, spinning in your head like a broken record, will instantly fall silent.

Sometimes love is embodied in the word “no.”

Marianne Williamson, writer

Robin Berman

Pampering cannot be controlled. How to raise a happy child

Project Manager M. Shalunova

Corrector E. Chudinova

Computer layout A. Abramov

Cover design S. Zolina

Art Director S. Timonov

The cover design uses images from the photo bank Shutterstock.com

Published in arrangement with HarperCollins Publishers

* * *

To my wonderful husband, who provided me with invaluable support while working on the book - and throughout our entire life together.

To my beloved children, who help me grow above myself.

My heart is filled with love for you!

Introduction

Robin Berman– psychotherapist, adjunct professor at the University of California at Los Angeles. A certified trainer of the “Conscious Parenting” and “Parenting Made Easy” programs, a member of the board of trustees of the Stuart and Linda Resnik Neuropsychiatric Hospital at the University of California at Los Angeles, in her new book “Pampering Cannot Be Controlled” by Alpina Publisher, she tried to explain to adults how We must show parental love and take care of our children so that they grow up to be self-confident, independent, happy people who know how to love and make others happy.

You can't control pampering.jpg

“Modern parents have fallen into yet another pedagogical extreme: today it is considered right to pamper, encourage children in every possible way, approve of their every step and in no case scold or upset them. It sounds good, but in reality this approach threatens the psychological health of future generations no less than the parental tyranny that was common in past decades. Spoiled children who are not accustomed to independence grow up to be infantile and actually immature individuals. Robin Berman, a certified psychotherapist and mother of three children, suggests taking the best from the old education system (when no one was interested in the needs of children) and from the modern one. In her book, she tried to explain to adults how to show parental love and take care of their children so that they grow up to be self-confident, independent, happy people who know how to love and make others happy.

robin-author-2_360x420.jpg

I have never been close to the traditional ideas about parenting, preserved from those times when the child was seen but not heard, when punishments were exclusively physical and did not take long to arrive, and hitting children was considered quite natural. Back then, shaming and intimidation were perceived as effective methods of controlling children's behavior, and I have often heard from today's adults that as children they were afraid of their parents or constantly felt a sense of shame. I can assure you that this does not at all contribute to the development of self-esteem.

Today, the generation of eternally rejected children has grown up - and wants to give their children more attention than they received from their parents. These new parents read books, go to lectures, and absorb progressive views. Many of them seriously care about instilling self-respect in their children. I like their approach. But, like when playing a game of broken telephone, its meaning is lost as the action progresses. As a result, instead of simply gaining a voice that was not previously theirs, children become the center of the universe. The usual family hierarchy collapses, and the child becomes the boss, pushing the elders around as he pleases. Somehow, the idea of instilling adequate self-esteem in a child has become the desire to give him the right to behave as he pleases, to shake his every move, shower him with excessive praise, never say “no” - all for fear of hurting his feelings.

Finding ourselves in a rapidly changing world, we have lost the ability to look into the distance, have lost inner harmony and peace of mind. And is it surprising that we have failed to give our children what we do not possess ourselves? The pendulum has swung too far. As a result, children no longer feel rejected - instead, they have become objects of overprotection. At the same time, their most important deep needs are still not satisfied. With the best of intentions, we left them vulnerable to stress. As a result, children and adolescents increasingly suffer from increased levels of anxiety, depression, drug addiction and suicidal tendencies. And I believe that I simply have to help them.

The author examines in detail, using examples of children and parents, situations from his own psychotherapeutic practice, and at the end of each chapter he gives recommendations and draws conclusions. We invite readers to familiarize themselves with the basic tenets of modern parenting, where there is a place for both control and pampering, in other words, a balance is maintained.

Now you hate - later you thank

If you tell your child: “If you do this again, and I will...”, do what you promised. Perseverance and the ability to see things through are essential to maintaining your child’s emotional peace and your own mental health.

Remember the main goal is to raise a good person from your child. Repeat the mantra regularly: “You hate now, you will thank later.”

Say less, narrow your choice, choose simple language. In this case, the less the better.

When you say “no,” you mean “no.”

Use the “inverted bargaining” technique: the more the child argues, the less he gets. It works no worse than a magic spell.

Robin Berman

Pampering cannot be controlled. How to raise a happy child

Project Manager M. Shalunova

Corrector E. Chudinova

Computer layout A. Abramov

Cover design S. Zolina

Art Director S. Timonov

The cover design uses images from the photo bank Shutterstock.com

Published in arrangement with HarperCollins Publishers

* * *

To my wonderful husband, who provided me with invaluable support while working on the book - and throughout our entire life together.

To my beloved children, who help me grow above myself.

My heart is filled with love for you!

Introduction

For example, in the past the main thing was respect for parents, but today we are promoting respect for children. But what if you try to build relationships based on mutual respect?

In the past, children were afraid of their parents; today they successfully suppress them emotionally. Perhaps it is worth setting boundaries within which everyone will feel loved and important?

There are probably no parents who would not dream of raising the healthiest, smartest, kindest and happiest children in the world. And I'm no exception. So when I came across Robin Berman’s book “Pampering Can’t Be Controlled” with the subtitle “How to Raise a Happy Child,” I couldn’t put it down until I read the whole thing. Indeed, how to raise a child happy? Where is the correct place to put a comma?

At the beginning of his book, the author, a practicing psychotherapist, says that a few generations ago questions with commas did not arise. You can’t pamper, you can’t control. Definitely. But adults who grew up fearing their parents and lacking love and understanding swung the parenting pendulum in the other direction. Wanting to pay more attention to their children than they themselves received, parents began to try to fulfill all the desires of their children, to give them complete freedom, but they got the opposite result: the children began to consider themselves chosen and unique, but at the same time they gave in to the slightest difficulty. And, as you may have guessed, further in 10 chapters, Robin Berman explains in detail that the power of parenting is in the balance of “pamper” and “control”, and, most importantly, gives detailed advice on how to find and maintain this balance.

For myself, as a young mother, I wrote down the 20 most important tips:

1. Rules and boundaries of what is permitted allow the child to feel safe.

2. When you say “No,” mean “No.” Be consistent and deliver what you promise. Even if it's a punishment. (Hence the conclusion, it is unnecessary to promise something or threaten something that you cannot do.)

3. “Inverted bargaining” technique: the more the child argues, the less he gets.

4. Don’t teach children discipline until you learn how to observe it yourself.

5. Don't shame or blame your child.

6. Stay calm. Take a break to calm down and not yell at your child. Keep your emotions under control.

7. Do not try to wrap your child in protective film or line his life path with it.

8. When in doubt, don't interfere. Let your child try to solve the problem on his own.

9. Throw out the word “most” from your arsenal of compliments addressed to your child.

10. Admit your mistakes. If you mess something up, fix it.

11. Do not insult or judge the child's other parent through words, deeds, or body language. It is also respectful to speak about other relatives, brothers and sisters.

12. Look beyond the child's anger and find the resentment or pain that is hidden behind it.

13. Be careful about the information you put into children's heads. She will outlive you.

14. Parenthood is not a project, but a relationship. Children need love, regardless of whether they succeed. Let them know that you will love them no matter what and don't overwhelm them with activities.

15. Set an example of how not to become a digital slave. Manage your acquaintance via electronic and social media. Make sure you immerse yourself in real life more often and more actively than in virtual reality.

16. An electronic device is not a dummy. If your child is upset, teach him how to cope with this feeling.

17. Children need freedom and time to play as they please. Review your class schedule; children’s games are already productive and develop them.

18. Children don't need anything particularly expensive or unusual. They need your love and your time. Play for yourself! And don’t think about upcoming matters for at least some time.

19. A consistent daily routine gives children a sense of predictability and security.

20. Family traditions and rituals create a sense of self-identity and a sense of belonging to the family. Create your own traditions.

It would seem that the advice is simple and obvious, but as often happens in our daily routine, we don’t think about such things. And when we think about it, it may already be too late. So I encourage you to stop, take a couple of hours to study this book and think about your approach to parenting. I guarantee it will be a very rewarding few hours for you and your child! Well, I’ve already put the TV remotes, smartphone and tablet out of my sight, stopped pestering the child with educational cards, went down to the floor and started rolling cars with my one-year-old son. He is delighted, and I am happy from his ringing laughter!