Of course, the situation is unpleasant, but you can survive it. So, what to do if you quarrel with a guy. Most girls believe that the guy should be the first to reach reconciliation. In fact, this is far from the case. Firstly, it all depends on the situation. After all, it’s not always the guy’s fault for everything.

If a quarrel suddenly occurs, the first thing you need to do is remove your pride. It often leads to a break in relationships. Come home, sit down, think. Maybe you shouldn't wait for the first step from your boyfriend?

It's not always a bad thing to take initiative. There is a great saying that says: “The first to reconcile is not the one who is guilty, but the one who values ​​the relationship.”

What to do when you quarrel with a guy

On the one hand, of course, you cannot immediately run to make peace after a quarrel. The young man may get used to the fact that you behave loyally and continue to behave in the same spirit. Naturally, you must show him that you have pride, and you will not let him wipe his feet on you.

But again, it depends on the guy. If you are confident in him and his feelings, then reconciliation with your initiative will not lead to any bad consequences.

If you look from the other side, excessive pride will ruin everything. Your chosen one may mistake your pride for indifference: if she doesn’t call or come, it means she doesn’t need me. Therefore, when thinking about what to do if you quarrel with a guy, soberly evaluate your relationship with him. Which one of you loves more? Who is more confident in their partner?

Under no circumstances should it come to this. Don't overdo it. You yourself must feel the moment when you need to get ready and go make peace. You can't break up because of stupidity and excessive pride.

At the end of the day, don't forget that you care about this guy. Perhaps you even have the brightest feelings for him. And if your love is mutual, then such a word as pride should not be discussed at all. Forget about it. Know how to find compromises. Solve everything by talking.

There are, of course, quarrels that cannot be classified as ordinary troubles. Unfortunately, there are also conflicts of this type, the resolution of which is completely beyond your control. If your boyfriend really hurt you and even neglected you, then you don’t have to be the first to reconcile. Maybe he doesn't need it at all. The main thing in such situations is to be sure that you are loved and appreciated, then you can think about taking the first step. Otherwise, don't rush. Try to understand everything and evaluate the situation alone.

If you had a fight with a guy:

Frequent quarrels with your lover are one of the components of a relationship. Conflict can be taken in different ways: as an opportunity to resolve difficulties and become even closer, or as a small end of the world. If you think that this is not the end and there is something to fight for, after a quarrel with a young man, sort the situation out and get ready to collaborate on your happiness.

If, at the time of a quarrel, you feel that emotions are ruling the conversation, stop judging the issue and go to your own corners. If you quarrel with a guy, explain to him that you value your relationship, and as a result, you want to cool down and calmly think about what is happening.

For a couple of days, don’t mentally return to your quarrel, don’t try to find the culprit and finish off the grievances that you didn’t have time to shout in his face. Go about your daily activities and, if possible, load your understanding with hobbies or work.

After some time, sit down at the table and write down the reasons for your quarrel on a piece of paper. Clear the entire argument of personal complaints and attempts to shift blame onto each other. Highlight only the root cause of the quarrel and other points where your views differ. At this stage, your best friend or a psychologist can help you - after listening to the retelling of events, your psychologist will separate the important from the unnecessary.

After looking through the compiled list, take the trouble to understand who is right where and where wrong. It doesn’t often happen that only one of those quarreling is completely right, and the second is simply a victim. Regardless of whether you managed to solve this problem, proceed to the next step.

What to do next if you quarrel with your boyfriend? Determine what you want to achieve in the future, what is your priority: to save the relationship, to force the person to apologize, to prove that you are right. Based on the goal, figure out what can be done to achieve it. Be based on the current conditions. Write down what actions you yourself are ready to take, and on what issue your position is unshakable and principled. Then express in writing your own requirements for the young man - they should also help you achieve your goal.

Meet the young man again. Tell him that you are trying to figure out the situation together in order to overcome this difficulty. If you were hurt by his words or actions, tell him about it. Although when expressing complaints, talk about unworthy actions, without generalizing or becoming personal. In other words, you have the opportunity to claim that you are hurt by his inattention. Although don’t say that he’s an insensitive blockhead who doesn’t know how to love. We hope that our tips helped you answer the question: “What to do if you quarreled with a guy.”

How to prevent quarrels with your boyfriend

How boring all this sometimes is, I don’t want to hear or see anyone or anything. Have painful conversations, screams, tears and everything else that accompanies quarrels already tired of you? You probably fight with your boyfriend a lot and you need to learn how to prevent fights. For this:

¨ Stop talking first. If you have started an active dispute, but do not want to continue it, a good solution would be to simply shut up. This will at first greatly irritate your interlocutor, but over time he will understand that his words simply fly away into nowhere. And this quarrel will stop;

¨ Leave. This, of course, looks very unethical, but still, there are moments when we are on the edge. If you quarrel with a guy, leaving is not only leaving the quarrel, your interlocutor may understand this as leaving the problem itself. And you should understand this perfectly;

¨ Silence. As soon as ordinary negotiations turn into a quarrel, we advise you to leave this matter. You simply let everything take its course, but thanks to this you retain your strength and nerves;

¨ Compromise. If you don’t want to swear, then a mutually beneficial proposal will turn your conversation in a completely different direction, more constructive. But when offering a compromise, leave the choice to your interlocutor, otherwise he will not calm down. After all, he himself would have offered you a solution if he wanted it;

¨ Apologies. Sometimes, in some cases, girls, when apologizing, change their attitude towards everything and everyone at that moment. If you quarrel with a guy and apologize, remind him again of your love (sincerely), then you can also win the argument;

¨ In a peaceful way. Explain that you have no desire to quarrel and shout. Let your opponent understand that he is behaving inappropriately. And soon you will see how a previously shouting person turns into a constructive politician;

¨ Compliments. Especially if this is a girl, then a compliment about her beautiful hairstyle or a blouse that suits her very well will come to your aid. Girls are very hot-tempered and unpredictable. If you see your opponent only as a rival, then you may not survive this battle.

In the modern world, we are constantly faced with dozens of conflicts wherever there are people. But you shouldn’t take it out on others because of a bad mood, as this very often happens. Just try to throw out these negative emotions on some matter or object. When walking away from a quarrel, you cannot always walk away from the causes of the quarrel. You must understand the reason for your conflicts with your guy, only in this case you can avoid them.

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 7 minutes

A A

Any woman is capable of “sculpting” her husband into whatever she wants, as if from melting plasticine. And nature has provided the most effective tools for this - affection, tenderness and love. True, not everyone has the strength or desire to use these tools. As a result, it is impossible to avoid a quarrel with her husband.

Quarrels happen in any family, but it is not them that lead to the collapse of the family boat, but the behavior in their process. How to quarrel with your spouse correctly and what absolutely should not be done?

How to quarrel with your husband correctly: taboos in quarrels that should not be broken

How to avoid mistakes that could cost you many years of marriage? To begin with, remember what is taboo in quarrels .

Rules that you absolutely must not break

• You can't criticize your other half. Men's pride is more vulnerable than women's. If you feel like it’s about to slip out of your mouth - “You’re always ruining everything!”, “Where are your hands coming from!”, “You can’t even fix the faucet!”, “Dressed up like a clown again!”, “Yes.” You’re not capable of anything at all!” etc. – count to 10, calm down and forget these words that are offensive to your husband. A man who is proud grows wings, but a man who is always criticized loses all desires, including the desire to return home. Read also:
• Women's "things", like rolling eyes, snorting, unkind ridicule, boorish “shots” etc. - this is an expression of contempt that affects a man like a bull - a red rag.
• Dead silence, icy silence and slamming doors - they will not punish the “unscrupulous” husband and will not make him think. In most cases, everything will be exactly the opposite.
• Never do not allow yourself to quarrel with your spouse in front of strangers (and loved ones too) people.
• A categorical taboo on insults and humiliation of male dignity. Even the most ideal man cannot stand this.
• Never remember old grievances and do not compare your husband with other men.
• Do not sort things out if both of you (or one of you) are in intoxicated .
• Never end a fight by slamming the door or a week of silence.

Basic rules of quarrel: how to swear correctly?

Comparing male and female psychology is a thankless task. The cause of a quarrel is often a simple misunderstanding. The husband gets angry because of his wife’s coldness, the wife because he doesn’t understand her, and in the end all the accumulated problems mercilessly fall out on each other.

But family means patience and a lot of daily work. And someone must give in. If the spouse is a wise woman, she will be able to resolve or prevent conflict in a timely manner.

What do you need to remember about quarrels?

• Preventing a quarrel is easier than dealing with its consequences . If you feel that a storm is about to break out and a stream of claims will splash out on you, let your spouse let off steam. Don’t defend yourself, don’t attack, restrain the hurtful words bursting out in response – listen calmly and respond reasonably.
• If you have complaints against your husband, then the worst option is to present them during a quarrel. . You cannot accumulate dissatisfaction within yourself, otherwise it will cover your family like a snowball. But, as we know, problems must be solved as they accumulate. Got a problem? Solve it right away - calmly, without shouting, without mistrust, attacks and contempt. Perhaps your problem is a figment of your imagination. Since you live with this person, does that mean you trust him? And if you trust, then there is no need to follow the path of maximum resistance.
• Family life is a constant compromise. Without them it is impossible to coexist peacefully. Therefore, resolve any issues (whether ideological differences or others) reasonedly, delving into his point of view and explaining the advantages of yours. And don’t be afraid to speak directly - men don’t like hints and, as a rule, don’t understand. An example is a holiday gift. A man will most likely ignore the phrase “Oh, what beautiful earrings,” but the phrase “I want those!” will be accepted as a guide to action. And then there will be no such problem as resentment against your husband for his inattention.
• If a quarrel cannot be avoided, remember - never say words you might regret later , and don’t hit the “sore spots.” Keep your emotions in check. You can throw out negativity and burn off negative feelings in other ways (sports, manual labor, etc.).
• You choose a constructive form of dialogue – offer options for changing the situation, but do not blame your spouse for what happened. Firstly, it is meaningless (what happened happened, it’s already the past), and secondly, reproaches are a step back in a relationship.
• Don't know how to express complaints without emotion? Write them on paper.
• Use the delayed start method "(as in a slow cooker). Postpone the showdown for an hour (day, week). When you cool down and calmly think about the situation, it is quite possible that there will be nothing left to find out - the problem will exhaust itself.
• Look for the problem within yourself. Don't blame all the sins of the world on your spouse. If there is a quarrel in the family, then both are always to blame. Try to understand your husband - what exactly is he dissatisfied with. Maybe you really should change something about yourself?
• If you feel that the quarrel has dragged on - take the first step towards . Even if you refuse to admit your guilt, give your spouse the opportunity to emphasize your status as a man who is always right. Let him think that it is. It’s not for nothing that there is a popular phrase “a man is the head, a wife is the neck.” Rotate this “head” where you need it.
• A man should always feel that you love him . Even during a quarrel. You are one, don't forget that. Read:
• Don’t use “you”, speak from your “I”. Not “it’s your fault, you didn’t do it, you didn’t call...”, but “it’s unpleasant for me, I don’t understand, I’m worried...”.
• Humor is the best assistant in any tense situation . Not sarcasm, not irony, not mockery! Namely humor. He extinguishes any quarrels.
• Learn to stop on time , admit you are wrong and ask for forgiveness.
• Tell him the same thing for the tenth time, but he doesn’t hear you? Change tactics or end the conversation .

Remember: your spouse is not your property. He is a man with his own ideas about this life, and he is a man. You love children the way they were born, right? Love your husband as he is.

The ideal formula for marriage is to treat your spouse as a friend. If your friend is angry, nervous, screaming, you don’t send him back with a list of failures and failures in your relationship? No. You will calm him down, feed him and tell him that everything will be fine. A husband should be a friend too who will be understood and reassured.

In the section on the question How to quarrel with a guy, but so that it’s not me who is to blame, but him??? given by the author intricacy the best answer is, why “play” with other people’s feelings? If you want to quarrel with a guy, then tell him that you don’t want to meet with him, but you don’t have to explain the reasons for your leaving! Then he will begin to think about the fact that he did something wrong and will feel guilty and will want to sort things out! I just don’t understand why manipulate other close people? Better figure it out for yourself!

Answer from 22 answers[guru]

Hello! Here is a selection of topics with answers to your question: How to quarrel with a guy, but so that it’s not me, but him, who is to blame???

Answer from Natalka[guru]
Look in his phone, there’s probably a compromising SMS)))))

Answer from User deleted[guru]
ask him to give you something that he can’t afford)))

Answer from Slope[newbie]
:)))))) Wonderful wording:)) To be offended by something, to say that my patience has run out, I can’t suffer like this anymore... stop tormenting me... and stuff like that...

Answer from Neurosis[expert]
Well, it’s so easy, you can always find a reason to complain about something, and then make a big deal out of this molehill, sum it up, instill in him a feeling of guilt and that’s it - done!

Answer from Victoria[guru]
Easily! That he is so perfect that there is nothing to cling to? It's not my fault... 🙂

Answer from User deleted[guru]
Gee gee))) interesting question)) Promote a quarrel. You can be offended that at night he supposedly didn’t kiss you back, he was asleep anyway, he doesn’t remember, he will start making excuses and get angry - word for word and a quarrel.

Answer from Anastasia[active]
Why is this nonsense needed? You are an adult, so be one!! ! Guilty, not guilty, kindergarten!!!

Answer from Red Fox[guru]
why so sophisticated? and it’s not decent! ! he had nothing to do with it, and you want to blame him!! not good!! Will you feel normal after such crap?

Answer from Solntseva86[guru]
set up treason!!! +)))

Answer from User deleted[expert]
Yes, just tell him that he’s a goat, it’s his fault, he’s to blame for this... and in general, he’s a goat and a goat in Africa, and who’s to blame! ? of course... and all the quarrel is guaranteed! and he is to blame!

Answer from Nya[active]
offend him, and then be offended by the fact that he was offended =)))) the result is 100%, he will also begin to apologize

Answer from Anyuta[guru]
It seems to me that we, girls, do this very well.)) No matter what happens, I am always right, and He is to blame. And if I decided to go left, it means He allowed it... Wise men always adhere to the wise rule: “If a woman is wrong, you need to ask her for forgiveness!!!” Do you want to quarrel with him? This means that he is indirectly to blame! Think about why you decided to take this step? It means he doesn’t suit you in some way! It's Him!! ! But calling him the one to blame is not correct... It's about you. Explain to him that no one is to blame, you just don’t want to be with him and that’s all!

I want him to tremble at the sight of me, to kiss my hands, to go crazy from my voice and look. To shower me with gifts, to please me with surprises, to turn my life into a fairy tale. What needs to be done for this? Many people advise me to be kind, sweet, affectionate, understanding, patient, to take care of him, to help him. Stupid, I’m already like this and do all this, but at least he doesn’t care. That's why I came up with another plan!!! I will turn him into a slave! I'll drive him under my thumb!
I’m a genius myself, so I’ll make an equally brilliant plan. First I will have a big quarrel with him, then I will blame him, he will beg for forgiveness, and then I will take power over him. He will be just a rag, a toy! So it’s easy to shift the blame and behave when he repents, but how can you quarrel with him?

So, let me remember what is the sickest organ in a man? Well, of course – pride. To quarrel with him, you can seriously hurt him. For example, point out his mistake, preferably precisely the mistake for which he had already repented to me before. So he was very sorry that he allowed her to do so! How lucky I am that I still remember her. I need to sketch out the details, embellish them, anyway, men have a worse memory, which means he won’t remember the details, but I can easily add new, more significant ones. By the way, don’t forget to remind him that his memory is leaky. And the speech is incoherent, and the gaze is absent-minded. It turns out to be a great sketch! Yes, I will simply destroy him with my story. It won’t be difficult for me to come up with a reason to start a conversation about this very oversight. I’ll pretend to be sad, he’ll ask what’s wrong with me, and then I’ll tell him that that thought haunts me.

After he listens (let him try not to listen) to my monologue about what a nonentity he is, about how if there was a competition in critinism, he would take 2nd place, well, because he is a critin. In general, when I finish flashing my wit, he will probably start to get angry. He's still a psycho! He will yell at me that I am wrong, that he is suffocating from love for me, and I am so ungrateful, I have taken out my whole soul. Well, yes, let him yell and be nervous. Oh, how charming he is when he’s angry, how his eyes sparkle! Okay, not about that. So, I will bring him to the point where he will yell at me, lose his temper, say a bunch of nasty things to me, and if I’m lucky, he might even hit me, that is, push me, if I stand in his way. Then, of course, he will leave and get drunk somewhere with friends.
In the middle of the night, my beloved man will crawl towards me, drunk, dirty and guilty of everything, well, I’ll be ready. I already have the appropriate makeup, that is, mascara smeared under my eyes, as if I had been crying all evening and half the night. My hair neatly tied up, some soft clothes, in general, I will carefully prepare the image of a good girl. This is my finest hour, I’m starting to wash my brains with powder.

I'll start with the easy one, that he allegedly shouted. I won’t listen to his excuses that he lost his temper, that he was nervous, that he was also a human being. Having fallen down, I beg you, what kind of cliched phrases are these, this is how every fool excuses himself! Then I will begin to remember in detail phrase by phrase, insults, accusations. All this is diluted with sobs, covering his tear-stained face with pale palms, and running into another room. Then I will listen in detail to how sorry he is. How he loves that his words are nonsense, that in fact I am the best, magnificent and so on. And in the end, while drinking convulsively cool water from a transparent glass, I will remember to him that he beat (!) me. Here it is! His despair is right in front of me. Here I will say that I did not expect that if there had been someone else in his place, he would never have seen me again, but since my love and all that... in general, I will forgive him. Shedding tears, I will hug him by the neck and say that even though he is a scoundrel, I can’t live without him! That's all! It is done. He will fall on his knees before me. I think I'm a genius!
Yes, dear ladies, if you really just need to break a man, make him not a protector, but a slave, then follow the above plan. Just think about whether the man who gave you his love is worthy, keeps it and gives only you such treatment, is it worth it for him to endure such humiliation? Would you tolerate them yourself? Believe that love, respect and adoration can be earned, for this you do not need to make brilliant plans, you just need to be yourself. The advice is banal, of course, just think about this: if a man is already with you, it means he loves you, lives, thinks, does something only for your sake. Men are strength, they are protection, they are the right to the first and correct word, they are your (our) support, the strongest and most unshakable. No one can protect a girl or family more reliably than a strong man. Remind your man more often that he is your best, strong, handsome and then he will carry you in his arms, love and respect you even more. After all, we remember about the “sick organ - pride”, use it for peaceful purposes.
Ekaterina Nekapriznaya