Sometimes the screams are supplemented by plaintive moans about the fact that the precious child has a stomach ache, a headache, and is generally sick of the garden. Literally and figuratively. And in more severe cases, the child’s temperature actually rises, abdominal pain appears and chronic diseases worsen.

What to do in such a situation? First, figure out why your baby won’t agree to join the children’s group at any cost. And there may be several reasons for this.

Lifestyle change

Children are the greatest conservatives in the world. It is only at first glance that it seems that they are constantly striving for new adventures and impressions. In fact, the usual rhythm, when they know exactly how one event replaces another, is order and calm in their lives. And here - in the morning, your mother takes you to an unfamiliar aunt, where, besides you, your beloved, there are a lot of other children, she leaves you there to fend for themselves and it is unknown whether you will ever see her again. In the garden, everything is alien – and, probably, that’s why it’s hostile.

Exit

Gradually accustom your baby to a change in routine. If he is used to going to bed late and getting up late, you will have to carefully transfer the baby to an earlier rise. This is not scary at all, the regime change occurs within 3-4 days.

When your lifestyle changes dramatically, it is important to preserve a “piece of home” for your child. The best option is if you can agree with the head and teacher that you can be present in the group with your child during the first week. By the way, in many kindergartens such agreements are practiced on a completely official basis, and in Waldorf kindergartens the teachers themselves persistently ask the mother to be in the group with the child for at least ten days.

If for some reason this is not possible, think about some nice little thing that will remind your baby of home. This could be a soft toy (it’s so nice to fall asleep with it!), familiar food in a small container (preferably not very dirty - a carrot or an apple will do). Or you might want to make a good luck charm for your baby - for example, a small flat toy that you can always carry in a pocket or on a lanyard. When her little owner is sad, let him remember the “magic talisman”, and it will certainly help to cope with gloomy thoughts.

Unusual food

Remember your childhood - probably in your kindergarten there was some special “masterpiece” of local chefs that gave you not the most pleasant feelings. The notorious milk foam, jelly, milk porridge or onion soup - everyone has their own memories. Sometimes educators try too zealously to feed their charges, demanding that they eat every last crumb, at a fast pace - this is also not something everyone can do.

Exit

If your baby flatly refuses to eat in kindergarten, agree with the teachers so that they do not insist on this process. After all, no child has ever voluntarily died of starvation. At home, in front of the garden, it is quite possible to do without breakfast - there is a greater chance that by the time breakfast in the kindergarten the baby will have time to get hungry and want to try something from the common table.

If, according to gardening rules, a child is allowed to take some food from home, then let it be beautifully cut fruits (apples, pears), vegetables (cucumber or carrots), and a banana will do. Try not to give your child sweets like candy or cookies; these delicacies, of course, can comfort you at first, but will cause an unhealthy stir in the group and completely ruin your appetite.

Unloved teacher

This is a serious problem, and ideally it would be good to solve it before the child enters kindergarten. It’s not for nothing that psychologists recommend that before placing a child in a particular institution, be sure to get acquainted not only with the head and the set of toys in the group, but also (which is much more important!) with the future teacher. She will be the one who will spend most of the time with your child. Sometimes it happens that children literally fly at full speed to one teacher, but don’t even want to approach another, they huddle close to their mother.

Exit

First, find out why your baby doesn’t like the teacher. This is not so easy to do, because not always a small child can talk about his impressions and experiences. But special games will come to your aid. In the evening, in a calm environment, play with your child in kindergarten with a set of plush animals or plastic men. You will learn a lot of interesting details for yourself! Let the child choose a role for himself - whether he will play for himself, for his “classmate” or for that same teacher.

When you understand the meaning of the conflict, try discussing it with your teacher. If after this no positive changes occur (the teacher mistreats the child, does not hear him, allows other children to tease and offend your child), then the situation, alas, is a dead end. You will have to think about changing kindergarten or group. Moreover, in this case it is preferable to change the kindergarten than the group, since in any team there is a certain corporate ethics - including in the kindergarten.

A stranger among his own

Sometimes it happens that a child, for some reason, does not fit into the children's group, continuing to keep to himself. This may be an individual characteristic - each child simply has different needs for communication, some need to communicate more, others need to get by with a minimum of “business connections”. But if your child has not found his niche in the children’s group for a year, and has spent all this time as if “behind a glass wall”, only observing the child’s life, you should consult a psychologist - this may indicate autistic character traits.

Exit

If it is difficult for a child to make friends with peers, you will have to, as always, take matters into your own hands. Try to gradually expand your social circle (both yours and your children’s). Observe which of your child's classmates is the most attractive to you, and try to make friends with his parents. Invite them to visit more often. Perhaps, at first, you will have to actively participate in their games so that your “savage” can gradually join them himself.

Another important moment of the transition period is to accustom the baby to the idea that it is not always only with his mother that he can be comfortable and interesting. Ask your dad or grandma to come up with an exciting game with your child in your absence. A good option is an early development studio, where children gradually join the children's team without losing touch with their mother. Other children and their games should be, from your point of view, a very attractive and enjoyable activity. Draw your child’s attention to how fun and interesting the children are together, how well they play.

What not to do

• Give in to persuasion and provocation. If, despite all the children's moans and pitiful lamentations, you still brought your child to the doors of the kindergarten, but at the last moment your parental heart could not stand it and you turned back with your child - this is a very dangerous path. The baby will understand that with tears and screaming he can achieve what he wants, and next time he will only have to slightly increase the volume and intensity of the crying.
• Take your child to kindergarten every other day or a couple of times a week. In order for kindergarten to become an inevitable reality, the baby must appear there every day (of course, except for weekends). It's better to take him out of there early at first. It's okay if you don't leave him there for naps during the first weeks or even months. Only when the child has fully adapted to the new living conditions, try to pick him up after his nap.
• You yourself are afraid of separation from your child. Children are unusually sensitive. At some subconscious level, all our emotions are transmitted to them - both anxiety and calmness. A heartbreaking scene of tears in the locker room is not the best way to start your baby's day. Let your child go with the confidence that he will be okay.

Inessa Smyk

He doesn’t want to go to kindergarten and we’ll identify the main reasons. Why do some children jump joyfully into kindergarten, while others are led by the hand by their parents with force and roars?

Almost every family faces this problem. With screams, roars and nerves, almost every morning mothers gather their babies for kindergarten. Moreover, older children begin to invent various reasons just to stay at home. For example, such as: Mom! I have a headache!; Mother! I'm sick; Mother! My tummy hurts! Mother! I have a sore throat! And so on. Of course, the baby may not be lying to you, and something may actually be bothering him.

Why doesn't my child want to go to kindergarten?

Children’s refusal to attend kindergarten can be hidden in both visible reasons and those that are most invisible at first glance. Let's look at them from the psychological side - the psychologist.

1. In kindergarten, a child can be negatively affected by noise (noise). He may have problems sleeping or, on the contrary, he is very hyperactive and it is difficult for caregivers to keep track of him. He may be afraid of other children, especially when he is constantly told that he can become infected by touching another child. Such children are considered special. And if yours is like that, then you shouldn’t adjust it to a kindergarten, but it’s better to find another one that’s more favorable for it.
2. The child is afraid of responsibility. For example: you compare him with another, that the neighboring boy Vova goes to the potty, but you don’t. Thus, the child categorically refuses to go to kindergarten, as he develops a fear of it. Because the potty will be replaced by new challenges. And the baby chooses a safe place and stays at home.
3. The clothes you send your baby in can also be a reason for refusing to attend kindergarten. This is because the teacher may not unfasten or, on the contrary, fasten a “tricky” button while changing clothes. And thus he will grumble and get angry about it. But a small child will not understand that the teacher is grumbling and angry not at him, but at the button. Therefore, you need to remember the “golden” rule - convenience.
4. The child can feel the subconscious fears of the parents, i.e. fear of the future. The reason for this may be the fear of the mother (parents), who spent the whole day with him and showed care, and now the time has come to give his beloved child to be raised by other aunties and feels fear and worry for her child. And in order to maintain family harmony, he refuses to go to kindergarten.
5. If the parents themselves did not like the kindergarten, they remember how bad it was for them there, then the child absorbs all the negativity like a sponge, realizing that this place is bad. Why be there - where it’s bad?
6. The desire of the parents themselves for their children to go to kindergarten normally is more important than themselves. Since when you send him to kindergarten, you are afraid that your child may be offended, since you consider him to be not yet very physically developed. And you, without knowing it, pass on your nervousness to the child.

In order for you to better understand, I recommend watching the video of Dr. Komarovsky’s program.

Now let's look at other reasons, according to parents

1. First of all, you need to understand that the main reason is not whims, but the very reluctance of children to visit this institution. They feel uncomfortable there, so it’s worth sitting down and finding out what might be bothering them.
2. Children may find it difficult to get along with their peers. This may be due to complexes (this is a wake-up call to your family!) or, on the contrary, due to hyperactivity. Or they have physical disabilities or defects in appearance and articulation, and it is quite difficult to adapt among their environment.
3. A child cannot get used to the routine of a child care institution; if at home, for example, he did not sleep during the day and ate when he wanted, then in kindergarten this happens according to a schedule.
4. If you change kindergarten, then most likely the child simply misses the old one and his friends.

The problem may also be hidden by the home environment. Perhaps the child is experiencing the death of a loved one or pet, a divorce, sees scandals and suffers, and the reluctance to go to kindergarten is a cover for great hysteria.

After you have found out the reason for the baby, have a conversation with the teacher. Let him tell you about the child's behavior in the garden and about the measures that should be taken. Of course, the conversation should be without accusations and hysteria.

You should not neglect the advice of other parents; perhaps you have also had such problems, and they will certainly tell you what to do.

List of measures required to resolve the problem:

1. Take your child to the playgrounds more often, let him communicate more with his peers if he has difficulties finding a common language with the kids of the institution he visits.
2. Try to make sure that on weekends the routine in the kindergarten coincides with the routine at home - this will make it easier for your baby to get used to it.
3. If there is a conflict between the child and the teacher, talk to him so that the teacher chooses a different tactic of behavior towards your child.
4. Remember that you should not lose your temper at children’s tantrums regarding kindergarten and do everything so that children do not see conflicts in the family.
5. If a child has developmental disabilities, choose a specialized institution so that he feels comfortable among his environment. Such a child needs a special kindergarten where there is qualified medical care.

Four main mistakes parents make and how to deal with them

Now let’s look at the main mistakes parents make, because of which a child may categorically refuse to go to kindergarten.

First. Loss of parents

Cause:

When you bring your child to kindergarten, hand him over to the teacher, and then seeing how your baby runs away to the children, you quietly go home or to work with a calm soul. The child, after a few minutes, suddenly loses you. Imagine the fear and stress he feels at that moment! He finds himself in a strange place, among strangers, and begins to look for his beloved mother among these faces and does not find her. Naturally, after such a shock at 2 years old, the child will no longer want to let go and lose you, he will become even more attached to you.

To cope with this problem, at first you need to take the children not to you - the mothers, but to, for example, the grandmother, your sister or brother. That is, those people to whom the baby is less attached than to you. This way, the child will know that you are waiting for him at home and he will be able to return to you.

Also explain to your child that you are not sending him to kindergarten forever, but will come for him when the clock hand is in a certain place. But, remember! Be more punctual and don't break your schedule. Since the baby will see how other children are taken home by their parents, but he is still not there, this may become another shock for him, he will again think that you abandoned him.

Second. The longer the better

Cause:

Many mothers think that the longer the baby spends time in kindergarten, the faster he will get used to it. No! This is a big mistake! Thus, you throw him like a drowning man into a river who does not know how to swim. When a person learns swimming lessons, does he swim further and deeper, doing it gradually? Is not it? So the child should get used to kindergarten.

What should parents do:

On the first day, just bring your baby to the playground and let your child see how the children are having fun playing and spending time with the teachers. If the baby is eager to visit them, then the next day leave him in the garden for a couple of hours, then gradually increase the time of his visit. In this way, the child will quickly adapt to the new environment and will be in the garden all day without any problems.

Third. Violation of a child's daily routine

Cause:

Many parents do not think about how important a daily routine is for their child. And therefore you need to prepare him in advance for the new regime for kindergarten. Since the child will have to get up early and therefore he may form a connection between poor health and kindergarten due to not getting enough sleep.

How to deal with parents:

Follow your baby's routine, put him to bed earlier so that he gets enough sleep and feels alert. If he is in a positive mood, then he will run to kindergarten on his own to release his accumulated energy during the day by playing with other children.

Fourth. Quick rush

Cause:

Most parents wake up their child almost before going to kindergarten. As if they were letting the baby sleep longer. And then it starts... Let's quickly wash our face and brush our teeth! Why are you bothering! Don't be distracted by cartoons! Thus the whole family is stressed. Parents quarrel among themselves; they need to get to work on time. They shout at the child. Therefore, he has the feeling that the kindergarten is to blame for everything. After all, this never happened before.

What to do:

Parents! If you follow the regime, then your baby will get enough sleep. It’s better to wake him up early so that he can finally wake up, give him the opportunity to lie down for five to ten minutes. In general, calculate everything so that you can manage everything. Taking into account the road to kindergarten.

Well, that’s all I wanted to convey to you today. Good luck to you in raising and adapting your child to kindergarten. Be happy and healthy.

Regards, Alexey!

I am the administrator of this site and part-time author; in my free time I write articles related to the subject of the site. In 2015, I became interested in website building and making money from it. I studied many different courses, photoshop, the basics of html, seo and others. I learned to write optimized texts on my own, and therefore became interested in the subject of the site. And now there is no stopping))

New environment, new people around, new rules. Together, all the “delights” of kindergarten life can frighten a child and negate his desire to plunge into a new life.

Read about the causes of the problem and how to solve it.

Why does the child not want to go to kindergarten?

Remember how you felt before your first day at a new job. Agree, at least at that moment you were very worried. So, the relationship between a child and a kindergarten follows approximately the same scenario.

Here's why a child may refuse to go to kindergarten:

Unusual environment

The first days in the garden are adaptive for the child: he must get used to it and stop perceiving the place as something unfamiliar and unusual.

Difficulty communicating with children

Not all children are capable of rapid socialization. The reason for reluctance to go to kindergarten may well be the lack of friendly relations and, as a result, loneliness.

Problems with the teacher

The teacher did not allow me to stay outside longer - the child was upset. The teacher spoke sternly about the need to maintain silence during quiet times - the child went on strike.

Time must pass for the baby to get used to the new way of life and new people.

Family problems

Sometimes family problems are hidden behind the reason for reluctance to go to kindergarten. Perhaps quarrels or domestic violence negatively affect the child, and in this way he expresses his internal protest.

Unpreparedness for change

Changing the regime and daily routine is not perceived correctly and easily by all children. If the child has never taken a nap during the day, which is required of him in kindergarten, then he may not like the new “rule”.

Don't want hysterics and tears to be repeated every day? Consider these tips.

Talk to your child

Ask what worries him. It is necessary to build a trusting relationship with the child in order to know what is happening in his life.

Give your child freedom

Nurture independence in your child. On playgrounds, allow him to communicate with peers. Children need to constantly communicate with the outside world.

Build the right relationship with your teacher

If you want the relationship between the teacher and the child to develop well, you need to treat her with due respect. Don't make a fuss or be rude.

The ideal child is always neat, friendly and sweet, he smiles, readily follows all your orders and answers everything: “Yes, with joy, I love you so much, mommy.” There are no such children, just like adults.

A real child may not get enough sleep, be capricious, upset, scared and, ultimately, refuse to cooperate with you, answering all suggestions: “I don’t want to. No". Such a “reluctant person” may not realize what is bothering him, and in most cases he will not be able to cope with the problem himself.

Let's talk about a child who refuses to go to kindergarten. Since the child himself cannot clearly tell us anything other than “no,” the parents will get to the root of the problem. They must abandon the tactics of “if you don’t want to, we’ll force you” and “you’re creating problems for us, you’re a bad child.” Kindly, persistently and carefully, parents should help their child, using the advice of a child psychologist.

A child doesn’t want to go to kindergarten: when is this normal?

First, it is necessary to determine the stage at which the problem arose: the baby has just started going to preschool; the child attended the group for a long time and always enjoyed it; he is capricious in the morning, and then speaks of the garden with joy.

If your little one is just getting acquainted with kindergarten, his negative reaction is quite natural. The group has a different psychological climate, type of communication, system of requirements and daily routine. You need to get used to everything, not be afraid and show your abilities. This adaptation period will be easier for the child if the parents were previously able to properly organize his leisure time and upbringing: they loved, hugged and praised the child for his achievements, did not blame or reproach him for mistakes, taught simple self-care techniques (eating, dressing, washing, etc.). ), introduced them to applied arts (drawing, modeling, appliqué, etc.) and helped them properly communicate with other children.

If the child is “at home”, his social circle is limited, and he himself is not confident in himself and his abilities, then the adaptation period will take longer and will cause more trouble. Refusal to attend kindergarten at this stage requires parents and educators to work delicately and for a long time to improve the child’s skills, get used to the new environment, and establish contact with other kids.

If the children have been visiting the kindergarten for quite a long time and began to show signs of restlessness and anxiety every time it comes to the need to go to a group, the reason lies in the relationship between them and the teachers or children. This could be a reaction to a new leader, a misunderstanding with the teacher or his assistant, or an unresolved conflict with another child.

In the third case, the issue may be related to a banal lack of sleep and can be resolved by simply establishing an adequate daily routine: the child should get out of bed by the time it is necessary, and fully recover during the rest period.

How to determine the reason for a child’s refusal to go to kindergarten?

Childhood anxiety and fear can have a negative impact on his behavior: the child can become irritable and whiny, withdrawn and unsociable. Denial of parental authority, refusal to cooperate, possible frequent urination and whims should not irritate parents, but only indicate to them the need to urgently find and solve the problem, the consequence of which is refusal to attend kindergarten.

Let's consider several ways that will help determine the “root of evil” and determine the further course of action:
talk to your child. Tell us how you loved kindergarten as a child and what a reliable friend you met there, explain to your child that when you started going to kindergarten, it was not easy for you and there were problems, etc. Find an emotional response to your words, let the child talk about what he likes in kindergarten and what he doesn’t.
talk to the teacher. Ask around, think together. If it seems to you that the teacher is not making contact or is deliberately keeping silent about something, tune in to the “wave of support”, agree in everything, gain trust as a like-minded person and most likely you will hear from your interlocutor what you need.
talk to other parents in the group. Perhaps they are concerned about the same problems. Together, it is easier to transform the established order in the group to create a more comfortable environment for children’s development.
play “kindergarten” with your child. Select the right dolls that will represent everyone the child meets during the day. Start with those who the baby obviously likes, and then introduce into the game those about whom you are in doubt. If the problem is related to the teacher or one of the children, you will understand this from your child’s position: he will not want to play if this doll does not leave, or he will behave with it the way this real person behaves with him.
Bring your child to the group either last or late. When your baby joins the game with everyone, do not close the door tightly behind him, remain unnoticed in the locker room, sit down and listen to what is happening where your baby is. It’s hard not to hear the teacher’s loud screams and twitching, answering crying. If this is not possible, go to the kindergarten fence during the daytime walk and quietly observe.
modern education standards provide the opportunity for parents to organize clubs and additional classes (from drawing to English) in kindergarten. Join this program and, having joined the team, analyze the situation, while at the same time providing support to your child;
analyze the child's behavior. Perhaps something else has changed. If a child generally refuses parental influence, then most likely he “tests for strength” the seriousness of the parents’ intentions and the boundaries of what is permitted, and at the same time his own security and the stability of his world. In this case, indulging the desires of the “whims” will undermine his trust in his parents;
a little more about whims. If previously a child used screams and hysterics to get what he needed from adults, then it is not surprising if the child uses the same type of blackmail in relation to the kindergarten, where there is discipline and demands, while at home “everything is possible.” Does your grandmother bake pancakes at home, wake you up at lunchtime, and let you play computer games for several hours? Determine the right activities for your child and the optimal regime at home, do not give in to blackmail and teach your child to do what is useful and interesting;
Decide on your position regarding kindergarten. If the parents themselves have a negative or disdainful attitude towards the preschool institution or the teachers, then the child may adopt their position contrary to his own impression. All questions and disagreements regarding the child’s stay in the group should be resolved only in the absence of children; you should not discuss your own emotions and conflicts with kindergarten employees in front of them.

What to do if a child does not want to go to kindergarten?

determine how serious the problem is: it's just whims or a consequence of serious stress. Find out the cause of the disorder and calmly and kindly help the child cope with the situation;
distract your child when going to kindergarten. Talk about friends in the group, about what you can do in the garden, ask to show the other children new games, dream about the time you will spend together in the evening when the whole family is together. Watch a joyful and funny cartoon together. Let the time of getting ready for kindergarten be easy, unexpected and pleasant. If the child does not want to go to kindergarten and cries in the morning, get out of bed earlier, go to bed on time, let him wake up in the morning on his own;
consult with teachers, head of the kindergarten, nanny on all issues, insist on an individual approach in certain matters, tactfully explain how important this is to your baby, seek cooperation;
take an active position. Involve the parents' meeting and the head of the kindergarten to solve serious problems that have arisen in the group. Remember that a kindergarten employee who allows rude treatment of children (hitting, threatening, etc.) should not work with minors and will be fired based on the demands of the parents. An incompetent teacher without work experience may be transferred to another group or demoted to the level of assistant teacher. It is worth changing a kindergarten only if all active efforts do not bear fruit;
spend more time with your child, take an interest in it and engage in its development yourself. Take a break and take a vacation, perhaps during this time the problem will either go away or become duller, and it will be easier to solve it;
Allow your child to take a toy from home to the garden. A soft toy may not be allowed into the group (dust collector), but another favorite thing will remind you of your parents. Prepare your child in advance for the fact that other children may ask for his toy. Work out his tactics for this case. In addition, a wonderful gift for kindergarten would be a cartoon that the child especially loves;
if a child does not want to go to kindergarten due to a damaged relationship with one of the children, make an effort to make the kids friends;
push the boundaries of your child’s world. Leave home more often, travel, go to museums, amusement parks, visits, movies, etc. Do not let your child withdraw into himself and help him adapt to diverse social relationships. This will help overcome the child’s fear of strangers if he does not want to go to kindergarten for this reason;
if the child shows other signs of distress, including physiological ones, it is necessary to seek help from a child psychologist (not to be confused with a neurologist) to provide timely assistance to the little person.

What should parents absolutely not do if their child does not want to go to kindergarten?

ignore the baby's protests. The child tries to say that he feels bad, but he is still small and does it ineptly. Parents should listen, carefully study the situation and help authoritatively;
blame the child for his problems and say that if he doesn’t want to go to kindergarten, then this creates insoluble obstacles for the parents’ lives. This is one of the easiest ways to convince a child that he is bad and develop a bunch of complexes in him for life. It is not the child’s fault that he is still small and does not have experience and knowledge, cannot resolve a complex issue and does not know how to control his emotions. The parents’ position should look something like this: baby, you are just wonderful, and we love and are proud of you, sometimes you lack a little experience, but you will succeed if you listen to your parents’ advice, be kind and fair;
be taken to kindergarten by force. Always try to come to an agreement with your child, discuss all the points, and work out your common decision. But do not succumb to obvious provocations when you are forced to make concessions under pressure from a child throwing a tantrum in order to achieve his goal. If such a scandal occurred in front of others, do not humiliate the child, do not pull him back, calmly and measuredly explain what you intend to do and why;
make a row in kindergarten. By turning all the group employees against yourself and your child, you will only make things worse for your own child. It is better to delicately and persistently direct the actions of educators than to directly declare gross mistakes made, turning into conflict;
secretly from the kindergarten administration, file complaints to higher authorities. This should only be done when the entire limit of “combat operations on the spot” has been exhausted without result.

In addition, it is necessary to correctly determine the age of the child, upon reaching which he will be ready to go to kindergarten. This moment comes not when the mother decides that she is tired of sitting at home, but when the baby becomes interested in playing with peers, he becomes bored with homework and the social circle of his family will not be enough. This limit is individual for each child and occurs around the age of 2 x to 3 years.

By this time, parents must do serious work to prepare for kindergarten: teach independent activities (drawing, appliqué, building with construction kits, etc.), instill in the child simple self-care skills, teach the rules of communication with “strangers” adults who will take care of them. about him while his parents are away during the day. It is important to determine the line of behavior with other children: the child must be able to share, change, explain his desires with reason (explain that a simple “I want” does not work and does not produce results), as well as apologize and forgive.

The child’s initiative for independence should be supported by drawing lines of similarity between the work of adults and activities in kindergarten. For completing tasks to prepare the child for attending preschool, he should be praised and told that he is becoming more mature and will soon be ready to go to the group. If you properly organize your preparation time for kindergarten and choose a good teacher, then you will not encounter the problem of a child who does not want to go to kindergarten.

The child does not want to go to kindergarten, Video

I don’t know what to do anymore. The child is 3 years old, refuses to go to kindergarten, tears and hysterics, can’t tear himself away from his mother, is very attached to me. No matter what I’ve done, the child just doesn’t want to go to kindergarten. I myself am already worried that he screams and cries there when I leave and leave him there. My heart breaks, I send her to kindergarten, and I myself go with tears in my eyes. Maybe it's too early for him?

Victoria Vinnikova, teacher, answers:

Hello, Lena. We understand you. On the one hand, I want to feel sorry for the baby, and at the same time it is necessary that he attend kindergarten.

Parents go to great lengths to “persuade” their child to go to kindergarten. Someone equips the baby with a whole backpack of toys. Others have long conversations like: “You will go to kindergarten, and mom will go to work.”

And it also happens that the older child happily ran to kindergarten, but the younger one does not want to go to kindergarten. Why does this happen, what determines the desire or unwillingness to go to kindergarten? From a child, kindergarten, teacher or something else?

If a child does not want to go to kindergarten, the forum for young mothers is often the first place parents go for advice. But the fact is that children are different, so there is no guarantee that what works for you is what works for other moms. At first it seemed to work, but then time passes, and you still drag him in your arms to kindergarten, and he kicks and cries and doesn’t want to go.

Let's figure out why a child doesn't want to go to kindergarten, with the help of System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan.

So, why doesn’t a child want to go to kindergarten?

The adaptation process depends on many factors, including the innate characteristics of the baby’s psyche (vectors). When a child does not want to go to kindergarten, there are general obvious reasons and private ones related to the individual characteristics of the child’s psyche.

Let's look at everything in order.

Reason #1. Adaptation and daily routine

It is important to understand that when a child does not want to go to kindergarten, adaptation to the new stage of his life should occur gradually. The habit does not arise immediately; in any case, kindergarten is always stressful for such a “little one”, because he is separated from his mother for a long time.

All children go through this period, but the owners of different vectors have their own characteristics. For example, children with an anal vector get used to changing conditions more difficult than others. But if they have adapted, then, on the contrary, it is difficult to take them home; they get carried away and become attached to the children and the teacher.

Children with the skin vector adapt more easily than others. They easily and happily join new groups and switch from a home atmosphere to a play environment in a children's group.

But children with a visual vector have a hard time experiencing any separation from their mother, crying pitifully or throwing tantrums.

See more details about individual features.

In any case, parents must accustom their child to the kindergarten regime at least a month before visiting it. If the butuz has not had enough sleep, then, naturally, he will be capricious when he gets ready for kindergarten. There are some children who are simply brought to the garden while sleeping. Of course, blaming the little one for being capricious is at least unreasonable.

Reason #2. Skills

Around the age of 2-3, a little person already learns to help his mother: he eats himself, puts things on himself, puts away toys, and so on. But often mothers, in order not to waste time - quickly, quickly - dress the slow baby themselves. Thus, they interfere with the formation of independence skills. And so, in kindergarten he stands out among other children for his inability, which also upsets him.
So, first of all, check your baby’s skills and praise him for his first steps towards independence.

In addition, if a child participates in getting ready for kindergarten, that is, he makes his own efforts - ties his shoelaces, chooses what clothes he should wear today, helps his mother open the door to kindergarten - then he no longer perceives kindergarten as hard labor: he is not forced, he he himself is involved in this.

IMPORTANT! Reason #3. Food

A child in kindergarten is under bondage and may be forced to eat. Sometimes to the point of vomiting. He will not be able to tell you about this, but he will feel violence and enormous psychological discomfort. The child may not even remember that today he had to choke on the hated porridge, but this experience greatly affects his attitude towards kindergarten.

Needless to say, a child cannot be forced to eat at home either - this is a huge psychological trauma that affects the child’s entire future life. Therefore, be sure to warn your loved ones and the teacher so that your child is not force-fed.

Reason #4. Teacher

The child does not want to go to kindergarten - talk to the teacher.

By the way, when a child does not want to go to kindergarten, Komarovsky focuses on the fact that the main thing is what kind of teacher is in the kindergarten, and we completely agree with him on this.

But how do you understand how good a teacher is?

This can be understood from your observations and from a conversation with your baby. Of course, you shouldn’t take everything at face value, but you need to listen carefully to the child. Try to understand what emotions he experiences when communicating with the teacher. At the same time, carefully ask questions and, through a positive approach, find out from the child what they did in kindergarten.

You can also invite your child to play in kindergarten: he will be the teacher, and the bears and dolls will be the children. How the child behaves during this game and how he relates to toys gives the most complete picture of the conditions in which the child grows up in the garden.

Be sure to ask the teacher how your child behaves in kindergarten. How he communicates with other children, how he eats.

Of course, the best teacher for a child is a developed visual woman: soft, adoring children. It is she, thanks to her sensuality, who teaches children to create emotional connections. After all, children are still too young to understand anything consciously. It is the emotional, kind teacher who, through fairy tales and her own example, awakens children’s interest in understanding the world and helps to correctly build the first connections in the children’s team.

In fact, when choosing a kindergarten, look for a kind and gentle teacher who will show the children “what is good and what is bad.”

With the knowledge gained during the training, you can easily determine which teacher works at the call of her heart, and which one is mistakenly in her place and has a negative impact on children.

In general, a child in kindergarten is a whole complex of issues, but there is the most important one.

Reason #5. Mother's internal state

The main thing is the mother’s internal state.

One of the discoveries of system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan is the disclosure of the mechanism of complete dependence of the child’s condition on the mother’s condition. In terms of system-vector psychology this is called.

The visual “dreamer” will throw hysterics, the baby with the anal vector will sulk and be stubborn, and the one with the skin vector, a sort of “fidget”, will spin in all directions and show hyperactivity. In fact, the baby simply picks up the wave of the mother’s state and reacts through its innate properties.

Also pay your attention to a weekday morning: what mood the household members are in, how they are getting ready for kindergarten. Don't they look like a commotion? If the mother is nervous, in a hurry, or worried about possible lateness, then the child may develop a negative attitude towards kindergarten for a long time.

As soon as a mother begins to understand the innate psychological characteristics of the baby, it is easy for her to choose her own method. The child becomes calm, and, as a result, he adapts to new conditions faster. In general, against the backdrop of a feeling of security and safety, the child develops very well.

Online, you can become your own psychologist and make your child happy.

The article was written using materials from online training on System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan
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