Hello, we have been married for 2 years, we have 1 child together and my child from my first marriage, now we are again waiting for a new addition. My husband works from morning to evening, takes days off very rarely and only when he needs to do something specific. In the morning, our communication comes down to make coffee and he turns on the Internet, a couple of routine phrases and he’s at work. During the day, 1-2 dry calls, which series are you doing well? In the evening, dinner while watching TV, and then either a movie when he can’t talk, or the Internet, when he himself doesn’t talk because... He’s watching something, or a game console, and so on for 3-5 hours. If you ask him questions himself, he answers dryly and briefly, and then every other time, if you don’t touch him, then he won’t notice it at all. Zero attention either to the woman or to the interlocutor. I tried to tell him about this more than once, asked him to turn everything off for at least half an hour in the evening and communicate, but no result. Immediately a blank defense, insults addressed to you and words that everything is bad for you, you are capricious, etc. I do not know what to do?

Hello, Anastasia! You alone will not solve the problem, especially since your spouse does not consider it a problem. Voice to him your feelings, experiences, describe what exactly you expect from him (no need to tell him, “I don’t have enough attention” - this will not tell him anything - voice clearly what you expect - so that you can talk - what to discuss? what to share ? so that he hugs you - tell him “hug me, I miss you”, find something to do for yourself - your spouse switches after work, you are constantly in the family, with the children, with the husband - you need to support your own interests). Get outside together on weekends - take a walk, go to nature, have a picnic, go fishing - a joint holiday brings you closer together. Allow yourself to show attention to your spouse - hug yourself, say that you miss you, share your feelings, experiences, ask how he is doing, etc. motivate yourself to communicate, talk, if you are waiting for something specific, tell him about it (he will not read hints and, especially, cannot read your thoughts). Talk about what is missing in your family, what kind of communication, play a board game together, or invite him to babysit, and go out, take a walk, meet friends, go to a cafe - you also need to expand the scope of your interests . What can you both offer to solve this problem? It is important for you to see each other’s views and decide how to cope with the difficulties that arise. If the problem cannot be solved, contact a psychologist either jointly or independently so that you can hear each other and understand your contribution to what is happening, understanding how you can change the situation through your behavior and perception.

Anastasia, if you decide to figure out what’s going on, feel free to contact me - call me - I’ll be glad to help you!

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow

Hello!

Perhaps your husband does not fully understand what exactly you want from him. He does not have such a need for long-term communication, and it may seem to you that everyone has it. But in fact, it happens very often that women need long-term emotional contact, but men only need a couple of words, and for him this is attention.

There is no need to explain long and tediously that he is to blame for something; it is important to specifically and clearly say what you want. For example, “Let’s discuss such and such a topic with you,” and not just “let’s talk.” They’re not just talking about something, they’re talking about something! This means that it’s up to you to choose an interesting topic so that he can support it. Or, if you just need to talk it out, it should be in the form of a request: “Dear, can you listen to me for 5 minutes, just listen?” and if he can’t, then you don’t need to burden him with a feeling of guilt, but you can try to come to an agreement, but what does he want from you?

In relationships, it is important to seek compromise and learn to negotiate. This is not limited to just advice on the Internet, it seems to me. This is a skill that needs to be learned. In work with a psychologist or in training.

www.reflexia.ru/borders

http://refleksia.ru/kak_pogovorit_s_mugem_otkrovenno

Alla Chugueva, systemic family psychotherapist, Moscow or skype.

Anastasia, both partners participate in creating relationships, the percentage is 50 to 50.
Therefore, it is advisable to realize that only 50 percent of how your relationship will develop can depend on you.

It is impossible to change your husband from the outside, without his desire, but you can try to come to an agreement and find a compromise - that is, resolve the conflict situation through mutual concessions, and to improve mutual understanding, try to talk with him about your feelings and desires in the “I - messages” format .
Read about how this is done here:
http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/for-the-family/school-partnership/message

If you have already tried this option (and for this you may need the help of a family psychologist), you are left with the following choice:
- let it be as it is;
- change the circumstances in which the problem arose;
- change your attitude towards circumstances, i.e. - accept them as:
- necessary given;
- as a lesson that needs to be taken and learned;
- as a catalyst for intrapersonal resources and opportunities;
- as something positive, which is contained in what is still perceived as negative;
- or change something about yourself.
In particular, defend your rights, which will help you achieve what you want.
Read about it here:
http://psiholog-dnepr.com.ua/be-your-own-therapist/diary-confidence

And treat yourself with love and care.
And for this, it is advisable to listen to yourself - to your feelings, thoughts, desires and realize - what you want for yourself - for your body, appearance, health, for your activities, career, finances, for your contacts - with yourself and others, for relationships with the opposite sex, for communicating with your family, friends and relatives, for your plans, goals, meanings, faith, etc.

And achieve what you want.

Good luck and all the best to you.

Sincerely, Svetlana Kiselevskaya, psychologist, master's degree.

Unfortunately, even in happy families, love ends someday. If a husband does not love his wife, what signs will indicate this? How do you understand that the old relationship no longer exists and is it possible to do anything in such a situation?

When your husband stopped loving you

Over time it becomes a habit. Spouses live together for years and get so used to each other that they do not notice changes in family life. Therefore, for many women it becomes a real blow when the husband says that he does not love. Although it was possible to determine long ago from the man’s behavior that the relationship had outlived its usefulness. There are the following signs that a husband has stopped loving his wife:

1. He stops participating in family life. The spouse says “we” less and less. This does not mean at all that the husband does not love the child. He can continue to educate, but not seek advice from his significant other, not make plans for a future together, and he stops worrying about family problems.

2. The second sign follows from the first. If a husband stops loving, what does he do then? He finds himself a variety of activities, and common interests with his wife cease to exist for him. But many hobbies appear. Every weekend he tries to go hunting, fishing, and to the gym. He enjoys sports and goes to meetings with friends. Often a man tries not to quarrel with his wife, but invents various reasons not to spend his free time at home.

3. If your husband falls out of love, how does he behave - calmly or aggressively? Most often, a husband who has lost interest in his wife becomes irritable. He criticizes her shortcomings without hesitation, sharply answers questions, argues and scolds his other half even in public. However, some men, on the contrary, withdraw into themselves. They stop communicating with their spouse and get lost in their own problems.

4. Lack of intimate life when the husband has fallen out of love is the surest sign. Even if close relationships remain between spouses, they are rare. In addition, the husband begins to avoid all touches of his wife. He stops hugging, kissing and even taking his wife’s hand.

5. Jealousy disappears from married life. The wife no longer represents any value to the husband, so he stops being jealous of her. Even a calm man cannot watch his woman flirt with someone without emotion. If such a situation does not bother the spouse, then he no longer has feelings for his wife.

6. A man stops paying attention to a woman. He does not give compliments, even if there is still calm in the relationship. The woman does not feel any care, there is no moral support, even phone calls become rare.

If there is another woman

The older a man is, the more difficult it is for him to give up his usual and comfortable family life. Even having cooled off towards his wife, he will return home, lead his usual lifestyle and will not even mention a divorce. But if the husband said that he doesn’t love him anymore, most likely he has developed a problem. It will be possible to quickly expose the traitor, since it is not difficult to understand that the husband has stopped loving his wife because of another woman.

When a man has a new love, he blossoms. New clothes, perfume, polished shoes, but he doesn’t invite his wife anywhere. Frequent absences “on business trips” also indicate the presence of a rival. New hobbies that a man indulges in exclusively alone or with friends. He doesn’t say anything to his wife, isn’t rude and tries not to quarrel with her. However, his behavior speaks for him, since it turns out to be easy to understand whether a husband who devotes time exclusively to himself loves you. Delays at work and mysterious phone calls are clear signs of having a mistress.

Changes in a man's attitude towards his wife also speaks volumes. If my husband has always been aggressive, then the woman can say that my husband never loved me. But unexpected attacks against his wife, which are happening more and more often, signal changes in a man’s life. When a relationship appears on the side, husbands sometimes rush to the other extreme. They become attentive and courteous, do not be rude to their wife, shower them with gifts, and invite them to a restaurant. In this way, they seem to make amends to their wife. Although such a signal can be viewed in different ways - both to understand that the husband loves his wife, and to suspect him of cheating. In such a situation, you should take a closer look at the presence of other signs.

What to do?

For a woman, it’s akin to a sentence if my husband said that he doesn’t love me. This position is fundamentally wrong. If the spouse is not going to leave for another family, then old feelings can be revived quite quickly. First of all, you need to start with yourself. There is no secret that a man loves with his eyes. Over time, getting used to a measured family life, a woman turns from a lover into a housewife. In a situation where the husband said that he has fallen out of love, but does not leave home, most likely, the wife has simply ceased to be an object of desire for him. A woman should again pay attention to her appearance. You can go to a beauty salon, join a gym, change your hairstyle, update your wardrobe. When the former attractiveness returns, the woman no longer says: “I feel that my husband doesn’t love me.”

However, in a family with children, it is often not only the poor appearance of the spouse that is the reason why the husband falls out of love. While taking care of the children, the wife simply stops paying attention to her husband. She is no longer interested in his work, mood, desires. She is always immersed in household chores. Some wives also conflict with their husbands over this line, responding to male attention with a constant tired state. It is not surprising that later in a conversation with a friend the phrase appears: “I think my husband doesn’t love me.” You just need to give it a little attention and care.

Another common mistake married couples make is refusing to go out and travel together. In their youth, lovers try not to separate, they even go to the store together, not to mention relaxing. As spouses age, at best they meet together for dinner. In such a situation, it is clear what to do if the husband stops loving his wife. You just need to organize a joint vacation, spend interesting weekends and get out of the house more often, even on weekdays.

But what to do if your husband doesn’t love you even when everything is fine in the family. Crises in relationships are quite common. Some people overcome them on their own, but for some they are a serious obstacle to their future life together. If a woman does not know the reasons, but feels that her husband does not love, what should she do in such circumstances? The best solution would be to consult a specialist. It’s good if a couple goes to a family psychologist together. Often a woman cannot even communicate calmly when her husband has fallen out of love, what to do - the advice of a psychologist becomes a real salvation in a critical situation.

Views: 4,543

Is your spouse no longer so romantic, things at work have become more important to him, and he neglects spending time with you? Has he grown cold and it’s time to leave?

Before deciding to take this step, let's consider the main reasons why this happens.

Conflicts often arise due to different understandings of what attention is.

For example, for a husband it could be gifts, and for a wife it could be time spent alone. As a result, it turns out that the husband tries to work more to give his wife expensive gifts, but she still remains dissatisfied.

If husband doesn't pay attention, then in such a situation it is necessary to specify your desires. Find the answer to the question: “How should a man behave so that you can confidently say that he pays attention to you?” The next step is to talk about it, express your expectations to your husband, and find out from him what he wants.

Romantic love is not eternal and transforms over time into partnerships

After two or three years of marriage, the wife begins to notice that there is no longer the former romance, passionate nights, thoughts arise that love has passed, because the husband does not pay attention. But before, he wrote poetry, came up with fabulous dates and gave up everything for the sake of his beloved.

What is important here is the presence of a common global goal. Maybe: your own home, family business, travel. Start looking not at each other, but in the same direction.

Create a tradition. For example, you devote Saturday evening to communicating only with each other, telling how the week went, what was interesting during this time. The main rule is not to sort things out; you can set aside Monday for this.

Think about what is hidden behind the desire to get your husband's attention

Perhaps you have been on maternity leave for a year and are missing face-to-face communication. Or you have no friends or interests outside of your family.

What can you do to fill this gap yourself?

Maybe meeting with a friend once a week, group classes, master classes, or your own business will be able to solve this problem. Your man cannot replace the whole world for you. Everyone has their own role: friend, mother, psychologist, coach.

It is important for men under 50 to succeed in their business

Of course, he values ​​his relationship with his wife, but the financial situation of his family is also important to him. After all, this speaks about his success in general, about what he is worth. The more the spouse achieves now, the milder the midlife crisis will pass.

But many women have a dream for their husband to spend all his free time with her and get paid for it. Unfortunately, there is no such vacancy yet.

It happens that it is our inner unloved child that requires round-the-clock attention

If in childhood the parents had no time to communicate with the baby, or maybe they were not there at all, then he did not know unconditional love, and growing up he constantly needs it. And then my husband doesn’t pay attention...

It's like a huge black hole in the soul, it's always insatiable

Try the following...

Take a photo of yourself as a child, talk to yourself as a child. Say that you will always support and love yourself, that you will do everything for your happiness. Become your own ideal parent. You must be able to take care of yourself, make your life interesting, tasty, and exciting!

husband at work

It happens that a man has used up all his resources and comes home completely devastated. His wife meets him on the threshold and longs to receive support and communication from him. The husband’s only desire is to lie down on the sofa and fall asleep.

In this case, it is necessary to create an environment for the spouse to rest and recover. Prepare a bubble bath, give a light massage, turn on music for relaxation.

When love has passed

It's sad, but our feelings can change over time. If your husband is not paying attention and you have been observing a long period of his withdrawal, it may be time to have a serious and honest conversation.

A woman sometimes subconsciously already knows the answer, but it’s scary to change anything in life, because she will have to rely only on herself.

conclusions

Love each other, but do not make marriage a shackle. Let everyone develop as an individual. Only two whole adults can build a healthy and harmonious relationship.

I read a lot of Islamic literature and try to learn as much as possible about how to become a righteous wife and earn the pleasure of the Almighty... Almost three years ago, when I was 17 years old, I was married off. Neither before nor after the matchmaking did my future husband and I communicate in any way. My husband is 15 years older than me. I love him madly. Despite my capricious childish nature, he tolerates all my antics. And my antics... this is that I get offended very quickly and often. Fortunately, I move away very quickly - I can’t be offended for a long time. We have a little daughter, she will soon be two years old. My problem is that I don’t have enough attention and affection from my husband... I often tell him about this, but he says that I was making it all up. He comes home very late and leaves as soon as he has breakfast. But when he is released from work, he either stays with his parents or with his older brother at the computer. I asked him so much to come home early because I prepare food for him, having previously found out what he would prefer. I hint at romantic surprise dinners for him, but no, he’s more interested in surfing the Internet at his older brother’s house. After all, everything was wonderful before... although he came late, he paid me every attention. I really want him to devote at least one day to my daughter and me! I offered him to leave my daughter with my parents for a few hours and either be alone at home, or go for a walk somewhere, since he doesn’t even choose his own clothes with me. When I ask my husband to come home, he says: come to your parents, here you will be next to me. But he doesn’t understand that I want to be alone with him... I don’t know what else I should do... he’s selfish... he just wants to sleep, eat... and have the Internet...

From a religious point of view:

If he is rarely at home and, even when you ask him to come early from work, he answers, saying, I’m at my brother’s or at my parents’, come here, then why not do this?

It’s very good that you said about the age difference between you and your husband. Most likely, this is the reason for the reduced attention to you on his part. Perhaps, due to the significant age difference, your interests and hobbies differ. Therefore, try to share his interests with him, that is, do the same things with him that he likes to do. For example, if he likes to spend time at the computer, keep him company in this. Alternatively, you can choose good, interesting Islamic books and invite him to read them together, focusing not on spending time together, but on the importance of studying Islamic sciences.

Invite your relatives and friends to visit you. You can call a relative or friend and invite her to visit you together with her husband, and inform your husband in advance that, for example, you will have guests in the evening.

Give him gifts more often, and they don’t have to be expensive. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “ Give each other gifts and you will fall in love with each other ».

And, of course, do not forget that everything is the will of the Almighty. Ask Him to instill love for you in your husband’s heart. Observe all regulations and, to the extent possible, perform actions approved in Islam. Become a good Muslim, and Allah will generously reward you for your obedience to Him!

From a psychological point of view:

Such situations have to be analyzed quite often, and what is interesting is that what you described is most often observed in those families where there is a significant age difference between husband and wife. I think that in your case a lot is due to this. Of course, the point here is not the age itself, but the fact that you and your spouse may have different ideas about the role of husband and wife. What seems important to you now and requires special attention, may seem to your husband to be a minor and passed stage. Probably 15 years ago, romance in a relationship was not the last thing for him, but now completely different values ​​are taking over. Of course, this does not justify him, since it in no way relieves him of responsibility to his wife. However, demanding from him this very attention that you want, in practice, can lead to the opposite result: he will simply avoid you even more. And ask yourself how much you need the begged attention. We need to change our approach to business, and radically.

The first thing to do is to abandon these very requirements. Remember that in such situations the law “The force of action is equal to the force of reaction” often comes into play. The fact is that by reproaching your husband for lack of attention, you put him in a defensive position, forcing him to either look for excuses for his actions or simply avoid discussing this topic. It’s not difficult to understand you, you are driven by feelings, your desires are quite understandable, but don’t do it in such a way that your own actions will cause discord in the relationship. Excuse me for my directness, but in your case it is appropriate to say that you are imposing yourself on your own husband. Of course, a lot can be explained by a lack of life experience, but nevertheless there is always the opportunity to acquire it. Try for a while to give up reproaches and requests to spend time with you. At the same time, remain a good wife, do not demand explanations, show, as before, care for your spouse, but do not demand attention. At the same time, observe his behavior, note those good changes in his attitude towards you that will immediately begin to appear. Don’t think that I am now taking the position of protecting my husband’s interests and urge you to simply endure everything that is happening in silence. No, that's not what we're talking about. Just think: since your reproaches and demands are of no use and, on the contrary, they force your husband to spend less time with you, then maybe it makes sense to abandon them? And experiment with a new form of interaction.

Start showing interest in what interests your spouse. This will further unite you, common interests will appear, and there will be something to talk about. Try to change yourself, and you will see how the general atmosphere in the family will begin to change.

Muhammad-Amin - Haji Magomedrasulov
theologian
Aliaskhab Anatolyevich Murzaev
Psychologist-consultant at the Center for Social Assistance to Family and Children

Valentina1993

Hello. My name is Valentina. More than a year ago I got married. Let me clarify right away that the marriage was not a matter of chance, but of sincere love; my husband and I knew each other for about 10 years. He worked hard for a long time and looked after him beautifully. He didn’t want a wedding, I insisted because... I always dreamed about her. I paid for everything myself, I organized everything myself, he only came to sit and only remembers this to this day that he sat through our wedding for me. That's nothing yet. He hasn't walked with me once in a year. He said you got married, stay at home, didn’t you have enough fun? He doesn’t go anywhere himself, and he doesn’t let me. Home from work, weekend fishing. He doesn't pay any attention to the baby and me. I tell him, please, let’s go out as a family at least once and take a walk, it all ends in a scandal with the words “I’m tired, stay at home.” I go to my mother, he comes and asks to come back, I come back, nothing changes. I'm not even talking about cinema and cafes. We live like two old men. I just wait for him at home every day. What should I do, since it cannot be changed? I am so tired. I don’t want a divorce, I love him but I don’t understand why

Valentina1993, good evening. Please write how old you and your husband are. Was the birth of a child a mutual desire? Why didn’t the husband want a wedding and why, knowing his reluctance, did they insist on getting married?
The psychologist will comment on the topic after some time.

Valentina1993, hello! It often happens that after a wedding, a woman’s and a man’s expectations about how their life together will proceed do not coincide. There is nothing wrong with this - over time, the spouses get used to each other and they form common habits and common family rituals.
The main thing now, in the first years of marriage, is not to make a tragedy out of your differences and not to be overly persistent. After all, if you provoke quarrels because your husband does not go out with you, then he is unlikely to enjoy walking together, even if he gives in to your demands. You need to approach this issue creatively :) Judging by the way he remembers you that he complied with your demands and “attended the wedding,” it seems that for your husband it is of fundamental importance that he HIMSELF must decide what and when to do that he is the HEAD of the family, and not some henpecked man.
Therefore, gently and unobtrusively, you need to find reasons for him to accompany you on your walks. He should not feel that this is your demand, he should feel that this is just an everyday necessity. Well, for example, when you go for a walk with your baby, someone should look after him while you run into the store to buy something important/urgent or help with a heavy stroller or help in some other way. So gradually he will get involved and the thought of accompanying you on walks will no longer frighten him :)

You were together for 10 years and somehow spent time, arranging your life before the wedding. Did these differences in lifestyle only appear after marriage?
What is important to your husband in everyday life? What are his household responsibilities? What concerns can he easily be involved in? How does he relax, what interests him?
How are things going with your finances? Maybe your husband considers “cinema and cafes” an unaffordable luxury for your budget now? Maybe he associates walking with spending money, so he abstains from them?

Valentina1993

Previously, he didn’t have much choice, he looked after me and I probably had to do what I liked. Although I won’t say that we went somewhere often, but at least we just walked on the street together. We are doing well financially. He is a very generous person, so it’s not that he doesn’t want to spend money, he just doesn’t want to go for a walk, in response to my request to take a walk with us and the child, he tells me that I haven’t had enough time, although I don’t go anywhere myself, only in the evening for a walk with the child. He loves his car and fishing. This is where free time disappears

Does he do household chores with you? Or do you have women's and men's responsibilities separated and not intersecting according to the principle of a patriarchal family? Do you do anything around the house together or does he prefer to do everything on his own so that no one bothers him?

How did his parents run things in the family? It happens that a person creates a family in the image of the one in which he grew up. How do his mom and dad feel about each other? Do they spend time together or do they each have their own lives and interests?

Valentina1993

He didn’t have a father, he left them when he was not even 3 years old, his mother lived alone and he doesn’t know what a dad is. He believes that his only responsibility is to earn money. At home he won’t even wash a spoon, let alone anything else. he can only take out the trash

And at the beginning of our family life we ​​had problems with alcohol. He drank very rarely, but if he got drunk, he began to express all his grievances, remember the past, what happened back when mammoths walked the earth. Although after those quarrels we made up, and I think once we made up, we need to forgive each other. but this is not about him. He will remember being drunk until the end of his days. So here it is. When he got drunk and came home, he started to get rowdy, sometimes he would talk some kind of nonsense that was not true at all, he wouldn’t raise his hand at me, but he could throw something, break something, he could throw a kettle of boiling water. In general, we lived terribly. Once a month there was a stable scandal, I was pregnant and afraid for the child, I constantly went to my mother. Now it has become a habit or something. If I feel offended and in pain, I get ready and go to my mother. Or if I hear that he drinks, I shake and I immediately leave. So, I myself understand everything wrong. I even always have an “alarm suitcase” on takeoff. I sit at home all day and am afraid that he might come home from work drunk. Almost in tears and to my mother.

I am 23, my husband is 27. We both planned and wanted a child. I insisted on going to the wedding because it was my dream, many girls want to wear a white dress, and my family has old traditions, once you get married there should be a wedding.

Valentina, what is holding you back with your husband? Since the relationship is so joyless - no living together (everything is on your shoulders), no joint leisure, and even constantly drunken insults and accusations out of nowhere, plus the husband’s hot temper and a “disturbing suitcase” always at the ready? Is this really the person you would like to start a family with? Or did the dream of a wedding turn out to be so attractive that they took advantage of the first opportunity that came along, without really thinking about the fact that after the holiday with a white dress, they would have to live with a person for the rest of their lives? After all, after 10 years of dating, you can already see a person’s character and understand whether he is right for you.

Valentina1993

To be honest, I ask myself this question every day and cannot find an answer. He himself is a good person, but very hot-tempered, I have to think about every word so as not to provoke him. Like a powder keg. He is my childhood love, you know, I saw him at the age of 14 and fell in love so much that I couldn’t breathe without him. I thought I knew him well, although it turned out that I didn’t at all. It already seems to me that I myself invented him as such a fairy-tale prince and fell in love with him. I want to leave, but when I think about the fact that I won’t see him, my heart aches. It's like I depend on him

Valentina, at 14 years old, love is romance and dreams. At this age, they do not look at a person, but rather project their fantasies onto him. If a girl wants a prince, she sees a prince. if a hero, then he sees a hero, if a genius, then he sees a genius. And she doesn’t think about what her “object of adoration and worship” actually is. After all, any manifestation of nature can always be interpreted in the way we need: hot-tempered and aggressive - temperamental, rude - this is a manifestation of natural male strength, does not want to notice me - too busy at work, purposeful...
Tell me, does your heart ache that you won’t see him, when once a month you pick up your “suitcase” and run home to your mother, when he offends you and ruins everything, or if you even just expect him to come drunk?
“Dependence” on someone is a fear of the unknown of the future, which you will have to build yourself. Sometimes it’s easier to wait out the storms by somehow adapting to something that, although not satisfactory, is predictable. Only there will be no second chance to live your life.

Your life is now built according to “patriarchal canons” - a man views the home as his rear, and the family as comfort and continuation of his family. He provides for his family, but spends his leisure time in purely male hobbies - a car, fishing, male company. He has a certain place in his life for a woman - organizing his life, caring for children, and household chores. A woman should be tied to home and not hang around her friends without a purpose. The male and female worlds do not overlap much - each of them has their own worries and their own joys. This is how many Orthodox, Muslim and Jewish families live - this is a traditional family way of life. You, Valentina, gravitate towards a more modern way of life: husband and wife are friends first and foremost - they have common interests, common leisure, joint care of children, etc.

You and your husband probably have different expectations from your family, different patterns inherited from your parents. If your husband grew up only with his mother, then we can assume that the mother tried to create for her son all the conditions for his comfort. education and career. She didn’t spend time with him often, because she had to earn money, and she also did everything around the house herself - the main thing is that her son should take care of his future, so that he can get a good job in life. Those. they lived under the same roof, but almost never crossed paths - their leisure time was different, their business was different.... The son (your husband) is probably used to being provided with comfort and not having to do anything more than take care of his career and good earnings. Now he embodies this in his family and probably cannot grasp the essence - what exactly does not suit you? Why should he walk with you in the park - what kind of aimless pastime is this for a man? Previously, when he was courting you, when you were teenagers, it was different and you couldn’t meet, but now you see each other anyway - why walk down the street for this? :) Surely these are the thoughts that come to his mind.
You should think about how ready you are to be satisfied with the role in the family and the way of life that suits your husband. After all, you are afraid of angering him, causing another outburst of rage. And besides, he is now the only breadwinner in your family, right?
Gradually, you can think about how to gradually accustom your husband to joint leisure time and joint housekeeping. The first year or two after the wedding is always a grinding period, there are always quite a lot of disagreements until the spouses find a compromise. The main thing is not to spoil the relationship with scandals and insults over trifles.