Finally, this long-awaited time has come, you met the guy you have dreamed of all your life. He is sincere, caring, kind. He gives flowers and looks after you beautifully. You can rely on him; if you need protection, he will give it. His eyes speak louder than words, he definitely loves. And you yourself think about him day and night. What can I say, he is “the one”.

But, as often happens, there is one snag, one “but” - these are his parents. It would seem that everything went well, but then it turns out that they didn’t really like you. Moreover, your parents are against your relationship with their son. How to get out of this seemingly hopeless situation? How to improve relations with his parents?

Remember all the details of your first meeting.

The very first thing you need to do is analyze your acquaintance and subsequent communication. Perhaps you did not behave very correctly? Perhaps you were too harsh or rude. Or were you making a bad joke? Perhaps you were putting your parents in an awkward position? You need to adequately evaluate your behavior. If this is difficult to do, ask your boyfriend's opinion. From the outside you can always see more. If some shortcomings in your behavior are not noticeable to you, then your boyfriend sees them clearly.

It just so happened that decent parents want a homely, modest, economical girl for their son. Rarely do parents like girls who are too loud, arrogant, and lazy. Very often, guys who grew up in a family where there are a lot of rules look for a girl who likes to break them. Such a girl helps a guy open up, relax, and get away from the set of rules imposed in childhood.

But just imagine that a girl comes to a clean house, where Mozart plays, and it’s not customary to be late for dinner. She speaks louder than everyone else. She can afford to eat with her hands. She may respond to a remark addressed to her with rudeness. And remembering what a disaster meeting his parents turned out to be, you understand why they didn’t like you.

This does not mean that you are worse than these people or that you are not in their circle. You're just different. You have different values ​​in life, a different upbringing. Perhaps you take many things easier than your boyfriend's parents. For example, you don’t understand why you need to dress up for dinner? Why can't you eat in your room? Why can't you go for a walk after 22:00? Why are there so many rules? You amazed everyone with your arrival. The parents were simply not ready for such a meeting, they were not ready for such a choice of their son.

If you are a well-mannered, modest girl and behaved with restraint, then it’s a different matter. In such a situation, it is very difficult to understand what exactly his parents were not happy with about you. Perhaps they didn't like your plans for the future? Or were they wary of the story about your family? Perhaps they didn't like your appearance? It's unlikely that your boyfriend will tell you the truth. This is between him and his parents. He simply won’t want to offend you, and maybe he himself doesn’t know the reason for their antipathy towards you. How to fix this? How to improve your relationships?

Charm his parents

In order to improve the attitude of his parents towards himself, first of all, correct what you have already done. Be more restrained, try to speak more slowly, clearly and intelligibly. Smile. Observe the customs and rules of this family, try to comply with them. Watch your appearance. You should always wear clean and ironed clothes. You should look well-groomed, neat and tidy.

Don't come to your parents' house empty-handed. You probably won't be there very often, so bring something small each time. It could be flowers or homemade cakes. By the way, a homemade apple pie or a Napoleon cake made by yourself will significantly increase your “rating” in the eyes of your future mother-in-law. She will immediately understand that you are a thrifty girl and with you her son will never go hungry. For many mothers, it is very important that their son’s life partner knows how to cook and can sew on a button if necessary.

Find an approach to every parent

Probably every person has heard the expression: “Divide and conquer.” It’s worth doing the same in this case. Talk to mom and dad separately. Finding an approach to dad will be easier than ever. Feed him delicious pastries, smile, talk to him about football or fishing. Find out from the guy in advance what exactly his dad likes. Perhaps he loves cars or collects old coins? Discuss with him his favorite brands of cars, tell us about yours. Ask why he became interested in collecting coins. Perhaps you have a couple lying around at home, give them to your future stepfather. He will be very pleased with your attention, you will earn a tick.

Things are much more complicated with mom. A couple of compliments and a bouquet of flowers will not solve this problem. How can you win her over to your side? First of all, as mentioned earlier, mom should see you as a housewife. Bring her your baked goods. Every time you come over for dinner, help her in the kitchen.

You should always offer to help set the table or cut something. She needs to see how caring you are. Then, show her how you were raised. These are good manners, the ability to behave at the table. It would seem elementary - not to put your elbows on the table, but many girls do this, and many mothers notice it.

The guy's mom will appreciate it if you ask her for advice. This can be advice not only regarding the kitchen, but also any other topic. This will awaken her maternal instinct towards you as a potential daughter. The main thing is to be sincere when doing this. No need to come up with reasons. As a last resort, you can ask her for the recipe for her signature pie, and then bake it and bring it to her to try. The future mother-in-law will be very pleased that she is appreciated and her dishes are praised.

Impress your parents with your hidden talents. Perhaps you can embroider, knit or draw? Your parents will be very pleased if you give them a painting you created with your own hands. It can also be beautiful cross stitch or beadwork. If you can sing, then somehow at the next feast it’s not a sin to demonstrate it. But it shouldn't be intrusive. Let your boyfriend, as if by chance, talk about your talent. And then your beautiful voice will captivate the ears of everyone present.

Your behavior around their son is of no small importance to all parents. They will always notice the way you look at him, how you behave when you are around him. They will wonder if you really have serious, deep feelings for their son. But there is no need to show your sympathy with all your appearance. There is no need to shout at every corner of the house about how much you love him. You can’t sit in his arms all the time, kiss him, touch him in front of your relatives. This will show your bad manners and disrespect for his family. You need to be more restrained.

Believe me, eyes can sometimes say much more than words.

Remember, you live with him, not with his parents.

Unfortunately, it often happens that a guy’s parents don’t like a girl, without any particular reason. It all depends on what kind of people they are. Perhaps it matters to them that the girl’s family is not so rich. They consider themselves people of a different circle, and do not want their son to connect his life with a simple girl.

Another reason for parents’ antipathy towards a girl may be the girl’s lack of education. There are different situations in life. Very often, many families simply do not have the opportunity to pay for their child’s university education. It may also be that the girl is an orphan, and after school she had to get a job to feed herself and her sick grandmother, her only guardian.

Another, no less common reason for antipathy towards the girl brought by the son is that they have already chosen a profitable match for him. Even in our twenty-first century, there are parents who are looking for a worthy bride for their son in advance. Such people do not believe in love marriage. Arranged marriages are popular in this circle. They can promise their son to some family, and they are not interested in his opinion on this matter.

Many parents who live in prosperity are suspicious of their son's new girlfriend. The same question is always brewing in their minds: “What if she doesn’t love our son? What if she only wants our money? On the one hand, this attitude can be explained by the fact that every parent worries about their child. Every mother and father worries about their son being taken advantage of. But these worries should be limited only to your own thoughts. Parents can talk about their suspicions with their son, but cannot insist on anything.

But, unfortunately, often these suspicions are not limited to conversations, but are accompanied by screams, reproaches and even bans on meeting the girl you love. It is not right. Every person has the right to make his own choice and decide his own destiny. But many girls worry about this. Who wants to connect their life with an evil mother-in-law and father-in-law, who is also not happy with this relationship.

In such a situation, it is important for a girl to observe her boyfriend’s behavior. Does he stand up for you in front of your family? Or does he silently listen to all the negative comments? If a guy is a mama's boy, you shouldn't even try to build a relationship with him. He will always listen to his mother, and will never defend you, even if she is wrong.

If a guy defends your rights in this house, protects you, directly says that he loves you, this man is worthy. You can marry such a guy. If he protects you even from the closest people, next to him no enemy will ever offend you. And here it’s worth listening to the phrase: “Remember, you have to live with him, and not with his parents.” If they don't bless you, spit. Not everything in this life happens the way we want it.

If you are just dating him, you have nothing to worry about. Go for walks, spend time together, go on dates. You don't have to come to his house when they're there. If they don't want anything to do with you, you don't have to either. Pretend they don't exist.

If you are planning to get married, the situation becomes more difficult. Prepare for unpleasant conversations in advance. But in the end, they will have a choice, either accept the fact of marriage, believe you and accept you into the family, or not. If they don't bless you, it doesn't matter. Get married and live far away from them. Let the son visit his parents, but you won’t. If they completely ban the wedding, you can run away. If your feelings are so strong that you will go for it, do not be afraid.

If a guy suggests running away, before you refuse, remember how important this person is to you. You can't waste your happiness just because his parents don't like you. Know that you have to fight for the love of your life. Love must be won, because it is worth it.

If you are just about to meet your lover’s parents, these tips could not come in handy. Don't be afraid and wait for the worst outcome. It is important to do everything to please your boyfriend's relatives. This is important not only for him, but also for you. For everything to work out, you only need to follow a few rules.

First of all, you should take care of your appearance. It's not just about clean clothes and neat hair. What should you wear? In shorts? In jeans? In a dress? It's definitely best to wear a dress or sundress. You need to look as gentle and feminine as possible. Don't wear red or black. Choose something white, soft pink or peach. If it's summer, you can wear a bright sundress with a floral print.

Don't come empty-handed. Be sure to buy flowers for your mother or bring sweets. An excellent option would be homemade cakes. This will kill two birds with one stone. A nice gift plus a good first impression. Everyone present will immediately understand that you are economical and this will play into your hands. Be modest at the table, but not too modest. Keep the conversation going, be lively. You don't have to be a dying swan. You should be cheerful, witty and pleasant to talk to.

You will be asked questions, do not hesitate to ask them back. There is no need to sit and remain silent. Ask something about your boyfriend. What he was like as a child or something like that. Any mother would appreciate an interest in her own son. Don't be shy to praise the house and dishes. At the end of the evening, say how pleased you were to meet your parents. Remember that it is important to be sincere, don’t forget to smile and you will succeed.

Pages of women's secrets

Let's talk today about the parents of your beloved man. More precisely, about your boyfriend’s mother. Even more precisely - if his mother is against your relationship. It rarely happens that a girl immediately likes her boyfriend's mother. That's why she's a real mother :) Let's look at how to cope with this situation and what can be done below.

The guy's mother, who is also his mother-in-law: against it!

First, let’s clarify that mothers are different. Therefore, sons grow up in different conditions. Roughly summarizing, three options can be distinguished:

1. Mom raised her son.
2. The son grew up on his own.
3. The “mama’s boy” grew up.

Now let’s calmly look at each option and ways to deal with the future mother-in-law’s dissatisfaction with her son’s choice.

Mom raised her son: a good and caring mother who raised her boy in the hope of seeing in her daughter-in-law an equally caring woman for him. But if there is a conflict between the expected image and you, then you are not the person he needs (according to the future mother-in-law).

The only solution can be to patiently find out what exactly is causing the alarm. After all, you are a normal and good person. Something just “seemed” to her or there was some misunderstanding in communication at first. And from that moment everything went wrong. Your task: tactfully find out what exactly you didn’t like and what was “wrong.” Then just put everything in its place.

Having become convinced over time that any normal mother will change her attitude - his happiness is above all else for her. You only need patience and tact to build a relationship with your mother-in-law. What is simply necessary for your happy family life.

The son grew up on his own: There are such mothers (it’s hard to call them mothers) who live for their own pleasure. A child (son) is born simply as a tribute to social norms and under pressure from the family/husband. The sons of such mothers grow up like roadside grass - without the usual maternal love. Having matured early, the son becomes independent and brings you to his mother simply for “getting to know you.” The choice of his beloved woman has already been made for him and he considers introducing you to other family members as simply a necessary formality.

But the guy’s mom is against your relationship. After all, by this time she is already old and requires increased attention and care. Which is in no way included in your plans for life :) Why the conflict occurs: mom is against it! The solution is simple: your boyfriend will protect you from your mother-in-law’s claims, since he does not consider them correct. Which is quite fair.

The “mama’s boy” grew up: A son is the light of the eyes and the most precious thing in life for some mothers. I will say right away that it will be difficult for you to snatch your beloved “child” from the tenacious, caring hands. But if you succeed, then your destiny is to become a “mommy” for your boyfriend, since the “mama’s boy” state of mind remains for life.

Pleasing her in order to establish mutual understanding is useless here. Such a mother is always convinced that her son needs something different: “better, more educated, more caring, more attentive, etc.” By the way, even if you break up with your boyfriend, the next contender for the title of “daughter-in-law” will hear the same complaints. Whether to go further along this path and seek recognition from your mother-in-law is up to you. Mine is to warn you :)

Possible options for the mother-in-law's dissatisfaction with her son's choice are not limited to the above examples. Life plays with colors and has clear zones: like/dislike. I tried to give examples of the most common situations when his mother is against your relationship. Your case (if it happens, God forbid) may have another reason for disagreements with your future mother-in-law. If she is a normal loving mother, then over time you will find a common language. If not: remember that the main thing is your love and direct all your strength there. Good luck.

Save so you don't lose!

Parents are not always delighted with their children's chosen ones. Unfortunately, this is a fairly common occurrence. Many parents allow themselves to openly show hostility towards the young man who is caring for their daughter. This is especially true for those daughters who are strongly emotionally dependent on their blood relatives.

The situation when parents are against a guy, unfortunately, is not uncommon. Even if there are no serious grounds for the formation of hostility, they may still be categorically dissatisfied with the choice of their child. Mothers are more sensitive to their daughter’s choice, so they often create scandals and show expressed dissatisfaction. What to do if your parents are against your boyfriend? What should a girl do? What steps need to be taken to restore peace of mind and understanding within the family? Let's try to figure it out.

Understand the reason

Girls, thinking about why my parents are against my boyfriend, should understand what led to such a reaction. After all, everything in life does not happen on its own. It is necessary to try with all your might to understand the reason for what is happening, to decide what actions entail such an ambiguous reaction. After all, if the reason is not clear, it will be quite difficult to fight it. Once you understand the reason, you can begin to take active action. Most often, caring mothers are really afraid that the young man will somehow harm their daughter and make her unhappy. If the main reason becomes clear at some point, then you need to try to immediately improve the relationship. Sometimes it doesn’t hurt to remind you that there is no longer any reason to worry. Let parents feel confident about their daughter.

Grudges won't help

There's no point in being offended by your parents because they don't take your boyfriend for granted. Nothing will change from this, only more conflicts will arise in the family. On the contrary, you need to try to get rid of all kinds of negative emotions as soon as possible. It is known that grievances destroy a person and force him to start playing some other people’s roles in front of others. A man may not understand why his chosen one’s family is biased towards him. It seems he has not done anything wrong.

It takes a lot of patience and true participation to overcome the abyss that arose initially. It is necessary to refuse all blackmail. There is no point in bringing charges against the parents. Even if they are fair, it will not change anything. In this way, you can incur additional aggression and at the same time not become happier. Most likely, the consequences will be even more unpredictable than one could initially imagine. When relatives are met with a calm and wise attitude instead of hysteria, they begin to think about their attitude and often change it for the better. When children manage to behave wiser than their parents, both sides certainly benefit.

Refusal of criticism

You can't complain to your parents about your boyfriend. It is not recommended to do this even sometimes, in moments of severe emotional upheaval. Otherwise, you shouldn’t be surprised that mom and dad don’t accept him. Even if a girl has a serious quarrel with her boyfriend, you should remember that family members will perceive this incident much more globally than it actually is. This negative moment will be forever fixed in their memory, and no force will be able to convince them otherwise.

Refusing criticism will help avoid unwanted consequences. You just need to restrain yourself in time and never respond with rudeness. Real changes in life for the better will begin only when the guy stops annoying people close to him. It's worth working on. After all, if a mother is against a guy, this does not mean that he is bad or unworthy of attention. With some effort, you can achieve good results that will satisfy everyone.

Taking responsibility

Sometimes in difficult situations people feel that they cannot do anything to achieve their goal. In fact, you just need to accept responsibility for everything that happens. If parents treat their daughter's boyfriend poorly, you need to understand that this is not as global as it might seem at first glance. If the young man manages to make a good impression in the future, the attitude towards him will definitely change.

Taking full responsibility means giving up anger and any negative feelings. The calmer the daughter behaves, the faster her closest relatives will be able to accept her young man as their own. You need to learn to show prudence, prudence, activity and perseverance. Adulthood implies not just appropriate actions, but also the desire to be wise, responsible, and disciplined.

Frank conversation

When girls say that my mother is against my boyfriend, they often mean that no one wants to understand them. This is a childish position in which there is dissatisfaction and accusations. The person seems to be complaining to others that he cannot cope with the negative circumstances of his life. It does not allow you to really solve the problem and act in life in accordance with your inner beliefs.

A frank conversation with your mother and father will help you consider all the nuances. The daughter needs to explain as specifically as possible why she made this choice. You must try to be as sincere and honest as possible. Having heard an answer that suits them, parents will most likely no longer create obstacles to seeing their daughter happy. In most cases, parents wish their children well, even if they themselves never utter tender and beautiful words out loud. A frank conversation is good because it allows you to work through existing problems in the family and clarify all possible misunderstandings. This result should be wished for every person who really wants to change their life.

Community of interests

You need to try to find something in common between the girl’s parents and the guy himself. Maybe he plays the guitar great or is good at painting? Perhaps he knows how to draw well, so that later it would be nice to look at the drawing? Playing sports also brings people together incredibly, allowing people to feel some unity while being with each other. Either way, everything matters. Common interests mean that people can spend leisure time together. They will not regret the time spent on each other. Common interests sometimes help smooth out even pronounced conflicts and lead to some significant result. The more effort a person makes to make a favorable impression on those around him, the more he reveals his individual character traits. If a young man has no obvious talents, but wants to make a good impression, he needs to make a serious effort. To do this, sometimes it is enough to emphasize your interests or simply start listening more carefully to the words of your parents.

Thus, if parents do not accept their daughter's boyfriend, do not despair. You need to have a lot of patience and begin to act deliberately, confidently and consistently. Over time, the guy will have internal resources that will help him feel a surge of strength.

Diana, your mother’s reaction is, of course, sharp, but quite understandable - her beloved daughter is insulted in her presence, the desire to protect her child is quite natural in this case. Another thing is that the child is already 20 years old, and the methods of communication that are accepted in your family are no longer effective. The problem, it seems to me, is deeper - very often adult children do not dare to build their relationships and separate from their parents because it seems to them that they are faced with a choice: either a spouse or a mother. And parents often have difficulty letting their children go into adulthood, because there is an illusion that their children will leave them forever. This is where tossing, quarrels, disagreements, and indecision happen. In your situation, everything is complicated by the absence of your father - who will your mother stay with if you build a relationship and start living with your man? Unconsciously, both you and she are afraid of this new stage in your life. But the fact is that this choice is illusory, we don’t really choose either/or, we become wives for our husbands, while continuing to remain children for our parents. At the same time, we naturally have to build a different relationship with our parents - the relationship of adult parents with adult children. It's not that easy, it takes some work, but it needs to be done. Your secret meetings with your boyfriend now resemble the behavior of a small child afraid of maternal punishment, and soon these meetings will become obvious, and then what?

Just don’t rush to immediately declare your adulthood and “cut from the shoulder”; judging by your description, your mother requires special care and respect, as well as tact and perseverance. In addition, you must agree that somewhere your mother is right and your young man really behaved rudely. Can you rely on him, is he respectful enough to your family and to you? Judging by your description, he also has rather complicated feelings and is more inclined to conflict than to seek reconciliation. Perhaps he also believes that you should choose either/or? In this case, it will also be necessary to build a relationship with him in which you are not a rootless orphan, but the daughter of your parents and will always be so. On the other hand, if your relationship is strong and serious, then your boyfriend can serve as a support for you, including in your relationship with your mother. Agree, it is much easier to let your daughter go to a good and reliable man than to someone unknown. But in order for him to become good and reliable for your mother, he must stop being a stranger kidnapping her little blood. Is he also ready to reconcile, show respect for your mother, gratitude for raising such a wonderful daughter? This again requires your work and your desire. Respect and gratitude will not appear in him just like that.

Of course, you are in a difficult situation, but believe me, you can resolve it. If you need help and support, please contact us.

Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer “Diana, your mother’s reaction is, of course, sharp, but quite understandable - in her presence they insult her loved ones...” to the question http://www.. Can I discuss this answer with you?

I HAD THIS STORY. I am 34 years old. I have a 9 year old child from another person with whom I do not live. I met a charming guy. He was 5 years younger than me. We dated for half a year, everything went VERY WELL, LIKE IN A FAIRY TALE. My boyfriend was liked by many people who knew him. He was cheerful and hard-working. I'm not saying he had shortcomings, but they were minor. He came to spend the night with me. His parents liked him. But half a year later, an unexpected turning point suddenly arrived. My parents strictly forbade us to meet at my house. They were looking for some more absurd reasons. My parents told me to rent an apartment, that there are women like me who want an apartment and a child, and dress well, etc. But in our city it’s difficult to find a well-paid job. I liked my job, I’m a good specialist, but I couldn’t afford an apartment on my salary, especially with a child. The guy also earned little, and I was afraid to live with someone, I was afraid of family problems. We began to meet on the street, in the entrance,..., in the winter. We rented a room for an hour a couple of times. Sometimes he invited me to his home, but this was rare, because... he lives with his mother in a dorm room. At home I started constantly arguing over little things. My child began to get sick more often. My health deteriorated, I turned black, my hair began to fall out, and weakness appeared, for which I could not find a reason. But we continued to meet. We met like this for another 8 months. My parents were always unhappy that I was dating him. But then an even worse moment came. The guy offended me, I didn’t talk to him, but then he asked for forgiveness and I forgave him. They started dating again. But somehow my father found out about this insult and then categorically forbade me to meet with him. My father began to follow me everywhere and interfere with our meetings. He began to pick me up everywhere by car. The guy made appointments for me, but I couldn’t come. And one day the meeting did not take place again, because... my father took me in a car so that I would not meet with him and because of this I had a nervous breakdown, I opened the car door 2 times while she was driving, but it was not suicide, I was just in despair, I was psychotic. But the next day I came to my senses. I tried to calm down. But my father, without my knowledge, told me in the psychiatric hospital that I was suicidal. They took me to the hospital, kept me for 2 months, injected me with terrible drugs that I almost literally died from them, they ruined my health, I gained enough weight from the drugs, but I didn’t see the calming effect from them, I just slept. After leaving the hospital, the guy found me. I decided not to date him because of my father’s prohibitions, although I loved him very much. The guy suggested meeting secretly, looking for meetings. But it didn’t work out to meet secretly. Even if we met, my father came to that place and had to go our separate ways. I started having sexual disorders because of this. My father began to persecute me even more harshly. He came to my work every hour to see if my boyfriend was there. He picked me up from work, called me, listened to phone calls... My father said that I was sick. If he sees me with that guy, he’ll throw me back in the mental hospital and won’t take me out of there again. I didn’t meet the guy anymore, I sent him away, although I loved him. But my father didn’t believe me, he swore at me every day, called me names, wouldn’t let me go anywhere alone, not even to the store, he went everywhere with me in the car, went into the store, and counted my money. He said that I didn’t give a damn about my child, although I was constantly worried about my son, especially about his health, and went to hospitals with him. My son is an excellent student at school. Father controlled everything. This went on for a year. Then the unexpected happened. My boyfriend abruptly left for another city for several years due to unexpected circumstances for him. For some reason I started to look better. I decided to go to a fortune teller and find out about all this. She said that a curse was placed on me for separation in a Muslim cemetery (my boyfriend is a Muslim) and that it was brought on by his mother, the guy was “SEALED” from me. She also said that another girl put a “beauty curse” on me. Now he is in another city and communicates with that same girl.