After all, I am beautiful, smart, kind, gentle and caring.

What else do they need?
And now, in order:
First husband. Frankly speaking, I got married at the age of 20 simply because it was necessary. Now I ask myself the question: Who needed this?

Well, certainly not for me. Love... No, it didn’t exist. There was love and at first there was even happiness, which dissipated like a ghost after six months. We lived together for four years. I washed him, fed him, cooked, tried to please him (although he didn’t need this). He was a player. The computer replaced real life for him. Work - home - computer - sleep - work. I kept thinking that my attitude and care towards him would change him too.

But he probably liked everything. And I was waiting for Saturday, when he would take me for a ride in our car and we would go to a restaurant. I was not given any moral support. But he gave me his entire salary and that suited me. And one day I got TIRED. We talked and decided to leave.

Second husband. Oh, he was the absolute opposite of the first one. He loved me, and probably still does. Now he took care of me, brought breakfast to bed, we had sex several times a day. Everyday problems were completely removed from me - once and for all, but.... What he earned, he spent on us at his own discretion.

Yes, undoubtedly he bought food and everything that was necessary, but... I’m used to the fact that the husband must give his wife’s salary. All my friends’ husbands do this and at the same time take care of them (well, that’s what they say). I'm used to dividing the family budget myself. I called him to this, made scandals, cried, screamed.

She criticized him constantly. And he? He could not say a word in his own defense, he constantly agreed with everything, and in general did not behave like a man. But he still did it his way. I'm sick of.

Then there were several more suitors, but everything was not the same. Everything is not to my heart.

Now I began to understand that I behaved incorrectly towards neither my first nor my second husbands. They didn't owe me anything. (Thanks to the authors of your portal and their creativity). I myself destroyed what was real with my own hands.

The love of my second husband, but I also loved and love him. But the destructive passion for money, the advice of girlfriends and others brought our happy relationship to naught.

What should I do?
I'm not afraid to be alone, but I don't want to live with an unloved person.

What do i do? How to return to what was before? How to forgive and allow a person to be who he wants to be? How to forgive yourself?

How to give up what is important to me? After all, I also know how to take care. But I probably won’t be able to overcome the rule of the husband giving money to his wife.

I analyzed my life, I realized what I needed, but to be honest, I’m ashamed - I said so many nasty things to him - will he forgive me?

Although, I'm sure he will forgive. He is stronger and above all this.

Thanks for your answers and advice!

In my opinion, and believe me, I have a lot of life and professional experience - you can live with any man, but first of all you learn to respect, and then everything else. Your question is: “Why don’t men get along with me?” already contains a bit of sarcasm, which means they don’t get along, they are not cats or fish in an aquarium, in order to adapt to the conditions and live quietly behind the stove..

You really have something to think about, maybe get yourself a cat and see if the cat gets along, or maybe he will run away.

Online consultation Why don’t men get along with me?

Hello!

We can say that you didn’t get your man. We can say that you could not keep them. Anything, any options and everything is against you, but are you a normal woman with normal everyday needs like the vast majority of married women?! - well, just like everyone else with their own “internal costs”, which you can fight, or you can let them take their course and then they will rule you to your detriment?!

All my friends’ husbands do this and at the same time take care of them (well, that’s what they say)...

They tell you the truth.

You are dissatisfied with certain aspects of men that you cannot or do not want to come to terms with. Globally, in a man, he may have something that you strongly dislike - but at the same time you should see whether this interferes with him personally in family relationships, if it does not destroy or harm the family, then in that case it may be his personal space, which a woman should not encroach on to take away.

If it harms family affairs, the same games, wastes all the money, drinks and does nothing at all, then you cannot put up with it.

In the first case with your husband, he gave you money and didn’t pay you the attention you needed, but simply put, he respected your feelings for him, although you wanted more attention to yourself and were TIRED?!

In the second case, the man loved you, but did not give you the money.

She made scandals, cried, screamed. She criticized him constantly. And he? He could not say a word in his own defense, he constantly agreed with everything, in general he did not behave like a man...

And he Vikki, he behaved like a man, it turns out that he loved you, he listened to you patiently, he UNDERSTANDED YOU. Not like a man... is it when your husband “beats” you as soon as you “open your mouth”, and you fly from corner to corner covered in bruises, abrasions, bruises?!

I'm not afraid to be alone, but I don't want to live with an unloved person...

Ask yourself, what are you willing to close your eyes to for the sake of a man who loves you?! - He loves you, and you simply respect his feelings. If you simply respect his feelings for you and feel that he Loves you - this is the main thing, everything else, like not giving money and stuff like that, will come gradually and you will manage the budget in the end, but for this a woman probably needs patience , female cunning, female wisdom, tactics.

And why do I need all this?

You include all this because you know, you understand, you realize why you are going to do all this, for the sake of which you are going to do all this. For the sake of the family, for the sake of the children, for the sake of internal well-being and stability in the family. Can all this be crossed out, as they say, by one or another of your own “skeleton in the closet”, which still rules over you and ultimately harms you - or you, in any case, as they say, “bleed from the nose,” do it this way and not as otherwise, do this as I need - then yes Vikki, probably men will not get along with you.

Good luck!

Online consultation Why don’t men get along with me?

Vikki, hello.

It’s not they who don’t get along with you, it’s you who don’t get along with them, because you want everything, everything, everything to meet your expectations. Well, that doesn't happen.

It’s good that you realize some of your mistakes, and I think you want to correct them.

“But I probably won’t be able to overcome the rule that the husband gives money to his wife” - this is an unhelpful belief, it should be changed to something more suitable.

Perhaps it will be useful for you to work face-to-face with a psychologist in order to change some of your attitudes towards marriage and/or men, then it will be easier to maintain relationships.

Online consultation Why don’t men get along with me?

Hello Vika.
We create the rules of life ourselves and we can change them ourselves.

The fact that you realized your mistakes is wonderful, and it means there is a chance to correct everything, but to do this you need to change your beliefs about the rules of life.

Everyone has their own rules of conduct and “adjusting” to another person will not lead to anything good, you need to find a diplomatic compromise, in this case, ask to give half of your salary to the family budget, and you will give your half there, and then jointly decide how to use it . This way neither you nor he will be offended.

And each of you can manage the remaining half independently for your own needs.

This way you will create partnership family relationships that will bring you the happiness of being in a union and at the same time not feeling dependent on another person.

Best wishes.


You will have to choose between a reliable man / and, accordingly, a reliable marriage / and your habits that your girlfriends have imposed on you.

You don't want to live with your girlfriends. Moreover, you are a Lioness; you will really like to be very different from your money-hungry mentors.

You will also have to change the methods of proving that you are right. Because “nasties and abominations” to a woman are not forgiven by all men and only at first. And then..."the age" of a woman is short-lived. And in a long-term relationship, a man values ​​loyalty, kindness, and support in a woman. Criticism in the family should be left behind.

And if you absolutely cannot live without criticism, develop the so-called “critical thinking” aimed at yourself. Promotes self-development.

And maybe then you will understand that your second husband acted just like a man, that is, maybe even too much like a man, when he listened to you, did not enter into arguments with you / knew that it was useless / , and did it his own way.

That is, you probably need to rethink a lot. Maybe go to a specialist to make the process go faster. And, if you really care about a man, learn to live with him.

Best regards, Svetlana

My wife just loves to constantly change something in the apartment. I approach this with patience and understanding. First of all, this is her apartment. Secondly, if a woman is prohibited from doing something, the consequences will be even more unenviable than in the case of her uncontrolled actions. Thirdly, I, like any other not very economical man, always choose the latter between repairs and vacation, and this is not the best way to keep the house in order. True, my patience and understanding begin to turn into a deficit when I have to personally participate in all the large and small restructurings. Of course, without a hammer and nails in your hands (bribes are fine with me here), but with a credit card, a willingness to listen, discuss and at the same time not send each other to hell at the first visit to a wallpaper store.
This is all, of course, easy to say. A man is a capricious creature, and Barbie’s house, as the embodiment of ideal order, scares us no less than a bohemian den that smells of dogs and used tea bags. We would like something in the middle, but this “something” in no way fits with the girls’ idea of ​​an interior for living together.
“Wow, this is fantastic, I finally figured out how to fit a breakfast bar into our small kitchen!” “I decided on the concept. I want the kitchen to look like a cozy cafe in Provence.” “We will make a small fountain in the apartment, a designer-psychologist suggested this to us.” I heard all this from different girls who, with the tenacity of hounds, raced for the interior of their dreams. The sparkle in their eyes excluded doubts and objections, so their thoughts that a bar counter looks best in a bar, that a cafe in Provence is, first of all, landscapes and aromas that are different from those that surround a home on the Third Ring Road, and that people who position themselves as designer-psychologists should not be allowed into the house, I kept it to myself. Some of the above decisions still settled in apartments, but for some reason some husbands and boyfriends moved out of there.
Would you say that all this sounds like an old man's grumbling? It's possible. Therefore, to justify the girls who set a course for the ideal interior, I will note that they have to act in unenviable conditions. It’s easy to afford an apartment that is casual and relaxed in the design sense in a tidy country where you want to spend more time outside. This does not apply to us, and even a short march from work to home by car immediately evokes the desire to isolate ourselves from the environment with warm floors, soft light and comfortable sofas.
Another source of evil is domestic magazines with interiors. Even on good paper they are so-so, but more often fellow citizens get their ideas about a wonderful renovation from housewife TV guides, where our stars pose in their houses and apartments. And there we see Anastasia Volochkova in the midst of plush madness, Larisa Dolina on the parquet floor, where something like a coat of arms with her initials is laid out, Lada Dance in the boudoir, on the wall of which a view of the fountains of Peterhof is painted, and the hostess seems to be an empress. It may well seem to impressionable people that if such women, with their money and creative spirit, do something like this, then all this is fashionable and correct. But this is some kind of bullshit! For some reason, it seems to me that one of the reasons for the very confusing personal lives of many star ladies is that there is simply no place for men in their apartments. And we really need this place. Just like cats. And you need very little of it. We want to sit where no one else will do it but us. We want to have a toothbrush and a razor at arm's length, even if these items do not fit into the design of the bathroom, and we will be very grateful if our discs (collections of trinkets, bicycles, ties - underline as necessary) acquire inviolable status.
If my wife reads this, she will call me a designer psychologist.
Conspiracies of the Siberian healer. Issue 21 Stepanova Natalya Ivanovna

If men don't fit in your home

From the letter: “Dear Natalya Ivanovna! Ten days ago I turned 55 years old. For my birthday, my friend gave me your books. And in these ten days I read them from cover to cover. The books shocked me with the simplicity of the words. I understood absolutely everything, although I had never read anything like this before. It was as if I had reconsidered my life, there were so many similarities in it with the examples from your books. I wanted to tell you about my woman’s misfortune, and perhaps I will see in your next book advice on how to help in my situation, and if not me, then unhappy women just like me. The fact is that men just don’t fit in in my house. No matter how long I get together with a man, if he lives for a month, he’ll run away from my house. Believe me, they don’t even call anymore, they run away like a leper. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I have a large apartment that has absolutely everything I need to live comfortably and happily. I'm not scandalous, I don't have any repulsive flaws. I take good care of myself and dress well. In my youth they said about me that I was a beauty, but neither then nor now do I have and never had a permanent man. If only you knew how hard it is to come to an empty apartment! I am of retirement age and I don’t dream of marriage, but how can I help women like me? My mother told me that when she was young, she was also very beautiful. People stopped and followed her with their eyes. She was liable for military service, and the general noticed her at work. He literally stalked her and eventually forced her into cohabitation. From their relationship she became pregnant with me, and the general decided to leave his wife to marry my mother. One day a woman came to her and introduced herself as the general’s wife. She didn’t beg her mother or ask for anything, she simply said: “Don’t be too happy about your happiness: it will be short-lived. Now you have left me without a husband, but then neither you nor your child will ever have a partner. I took care of it so well that I didn’t regret the diamond necklace. Both you and your child will never know family life!”

Having said this, the woman left. All her words came true completely. My father soon died of a heart attack in my mother’s bed. She didn’t even have time to dial the ambulance number. They lived in marriage for exactly a month. He never held me, his daughter, in his arms. His first wife came to his funeral. She quietly whispered to her mother: “Well, you see, my words are coming true.” My mother never remarried. And I already wrote to you about myself: I haven’t met anyone for more than a month. And this is the longest time. Mostly, the next day the men disappeared as if in a fog. What should someone like me do?

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If men don't fit in your home

From the letter: “Dear Natalya Ivanovna! Ten days ago I turned 55 years old. For my birthday, my friend gave me your books. And in these ten days I read them from cover to cover. The books shocked me with the simplicity of the words. I understood absolutely everything, although I had never read anything like this before. It was as if I had reconsidered my life, there were so many similarities in it with the examples from your books. I wanted to tell you about my woman’s misfortune, and perhaps I will see in your next book advice on how to help in my situation, and if not me, then unhappy women just like me. The fact is that men just don’t fit in in my house. No matter how long I get together with a man, if he lives for a month, he’ll run away from my house. Believe me, they don’t even call anymore, they run away like a leper. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I have a large apartment that has absolutely everything I need to live comfortably and happily. I'm not scandalous, I don't have any repulsive flaws. I take good care of myself and dress well. In my youth they said about me that I was a beauty, but neither then nor now do I have and never had a permanent man. If only you knew how hard it is to come to an empty apartment! I am of retirement age and I don’t dream of marriage, but how can I help women like me? My mother told me that when she was young, she was also very beautiful. People stopped and followed her with their eyes. She was liable for military service, and the general noticed her at work. He literally stalked her and eventually forced her into cohabitation. From their relationship she became pregnant with me, and the general decided to leave his wife to marry my mother. One day a woman came to her and introduced herself as the general’s wife. She didn’t beg her mother or ask for anything, she simply said: “Don’t be too happy about your happiness: it will be short-lived. Now you have left me without a husband, but then neither you nor your child will ever have a partner. I took care of it so well that I didn’t regret the diamond necklace. Both you and your child will never know family life!”

Having said this, the woman left. All her words came true completely. My father soon died of a heart attack in my mother’s bed. She didn’t even have time to dial the ambulance number. They lived in marriage for exactly a month. He never held me, his daughter, in his arms. His first wife came to his funeral. She quietly whispered to her mother: “Well, you see, my words are coming true.” My mother never remarried. And I already wrote to you about myself: I haven’t met anyone for more than a month. And this is the longest time. Mostly, the next day the men disappeared as if in a fog. What should someone like me do?