Children's self-esteem begins to develop even before school. The development of a child's self-esteem depends mainly on his environment and how his parents raise him. If parents try to understand the child, support him when necessary, show care and consistently build the upbringing process, then the child will develop adequate self-esteem. Before school and during primary school age, it is very important for a child to feel protected. In the family, kindergarten, primary school, with a feeling of security, the child already makes decisions independently; if necessary, does not hesitate to ask for help; can admit his mistakes. When a child develops adequate self-esteem, he treats others with respect, can calmly accept help from others, and begins to value himself as an individual.

One of the types of inadequate self-esteem is inflated self-esteem. It manifests itself in the form of disrespect for others, disdain for peers and classmates. He ridicules the joy of other children's achievements. During joint games, he tries to control other children, considering himself a leader. If the team does not recognize him as a leader, he can become very emotional, even to the point of hysteria. When self-assessing, the child does not notice his weaknesses.

Another type of inadequate self-esteem is low self-esteem. With low self-esteem, a child may experience anxiety, not believe that he can do something on his own, and does not believe in his own strength. Such a child is initially set up for failure. He may not trust people, he may be afraid that he will be offended or insulted.

Such children experience loneliness in a group of children; they avoid common games and do not take part in any activities. When conflict situations arise, they do not find support among the children. Children with low self-esteem develop attitudes like: he is worse than others, he cannot do anything on his own, if he does it himself, then nothing good will come of it. This negatively affects the development of a child's self-esteem.

When does a child develop low self-esteem? If parents and teachers often use in conversation “you never succeed”, “you don’t know how, let me do it”, “you can’t”, etc. All this leads to the fact that the child begins to believe that he is not able to do things on his own . The child may develop an inferiority complex.

There is another very important point for parents and teachers - it is necessary to evaluate not the individual, but only the action committed by the child.

I also recommend not comparing your child with other children. For example: with an excellent student in the class or with a sporty boy from the next door, a diligent girl from the top floor. At the same time, you can assume that your child will begin to study better, play sports, and behave diligently. But often this leads to a decrease in self-esteem in the child. He begins to envy the child with whom he is compared, and also very often experiences a feeling of hatred towards him.

How to increase your child's self-esteem

What is necessary to increase a child's self-esteem?

There is a belief among psychologists that it is necessary to improve the culture of the population. The task of adults is to communicate respectfully with others, including children. In this article I will outline only a number of techniques that will increase self-esteem in children 6-8 years old.

An adult should always support a child when he or she has a desire to do something independently, unless there is a threat to the life and health of the child. Tell your child the following phrases: “Of course, you can do it; you can; if you need my help, tell me...”

1. If the child is interested in something, then we speak positively. When a child wants to become someone, we say: “You can become a great dancer; an outstanding artist; folk singer; etc. This way you will preserve the child’s desire to go towards his dream and goal.
2. I suggest you always sincerely rejoice with your child and be sure to praise him for excellent, good grades, when he makes an interesting craft, pays attention to something beautiful and unusual, draws a bright picture...
3. Say the following phrases: “I love you very much!”, “I believe in you!”, “I’m proud of you!”.
4. If you gave something to a child, you must understand that it is now his. You have no right to take this thing back from him.
5. If you have a trusting relationship with your child, he can share his difficulties and failures. It is necessary to analyze with him the problem, how it formed, what it depends on, how the child feels about what is happening and what ways out of the situation he sees... This way the child feels the closeness of your relationship and trust in you. It is very important that such conversations should take place in a calm, friendly atmosphere!
6. In various situations, parents or teachers can ask the child for advice. With a properly built relationship, the child will tell you his option absolutely seriously. When you listen carefully to a child and thank him, the child understands that he is respected, treated as an equal, and his opinion is important!

Each of us, an adult citizen of our country, showing by personal example, respectful communication with others, including children, forms an adequate self-esteem for the child. With well-built, kind and trusting relationships with children, parents and teachers help children gain a sense of self-worth, self-confidence and self-confidence.

Psychologist Anastasia Ponomarenko will give some tips that will help parents increase their child’s self-esteem and restore faith in their own strength.

Currently, a person’s success and self-realization directly depend on a person’s adequate self-esteem. Self-confidence, stress resistance, managing your own fears - all this is a direct consequence of self-esteem. It is formed mostly in childhood and adolescence, or more precisely, it is formed in the child by close people - primarily parents, and the environment.

Determine what kind of self-esteem your child has

The more difficulties a child has overcome, the more confident he is in his own abilities.

To begin with, in principle, make sure that your offspring’s self-esteem is adequate. Listen, how does he talk about himself? which speaks about his skills. You should be wary of phrases such as “I won’t succeed”, “I’m nothing”, “others will do it better”, “even I understood (if this is said without irony)”.

If you detect alarming symptoms, analyze the cause. Perhaps his surroundings are much smarter and more successful (for example, you transferred your child to a math class, but he had a weak B in math in a regular class. In this case, an inferiority complex may arise). Or do you constantly present to him excessive demands . Or you compare him with others not in his favor.

Low self-esteem is a precursor to the position “ victim “when a person spends his entire life looking for outside support. The victim's favorite trick is to shift responsibility for his life onto others. The trouble is that over time there are fewer and fewer people willing to carry the unfortunate victims.

For good - praise, for bad - scold, but not the person, but the actions. And don’t be afraid to overpraise, arguing that “he will grow up to be an egoist.” If you praise for what you do, it won’t grow.

What to do if self-esteem is low

If you do find that self-esteem is weak - start acting. Self-esteem grows in proportion to the difficulties overcome. That is, the more difficulties a child has overcome, the more confident he is in his own abilities. Just don’t take it “weakly” (can’t you? Go ahead, go for it, you’ll succeed). Proceed carefully (let's try again, let's do it together). And look for good training groups or a psychologist.

It is very important for schoolchildren peer opinion - classmates, friends. Take a close look at who your child hangs out with and whether their low self-esteem is a result. If it turns out that this is indeed the case, immediately transfer him to another school before his psyche is completely broken. And only then will you fight for justice.

Try, in business terms, to determine the competitive your child's advantage , and develop it. If your child draws well, send him to a good art school; if he has amazing thick hair, find a good hairdresser who can highlight this. It will be easier for the child to endure failures, knowing that there is already something in which he compares favorably with others.

Successful overcoming of difficulties contributes to the formation of high self-esteem. Don't do for your child what he can do do it yourself . Prompt, guide, but don’t do it. Try to provide enough, but not excessive, support.

A significant increase in self-esteem occurs at the moment of transition from the position “I can’t” to the position “I myself am able to cope with my life’s difficulties.” Don't ruin this moment with your own excessive zeal.

And lastly: a child should always know that there is someone who loves him just like that, of course . Tell your offspring that you love him often. Don’t hide behind arguments that he is already an adult, that love is visible in actions, and in general, these are all calf tendernesses. Schoolchildren are vulnerable and need support, perhaps even more than small children. And what could be more encouraging than the words of those closest to you: “I love you, you’re wonderful!”

“I won’t be able to become a football player. I’m too weak,” “I’m so worthless that I can’t even study properly at school.” If your child often uses such phrases, it means he has low self-esteem.

But you are not alone: ​​parents all over the world are faced with this problem. The task of parents is to help their child solve problems with self-esteem in a timely manner.

Let's look at what self-esteem is and how to develop it.

What is self-esteem

In psychology, self-esteem is understood as a subjective assessment of a person. Simply put, self-esteem is what we think about ourselves. Does it matter what children think about themselves? Yes. The child will one day become an adult. And then his self-esteem will play an important role in his life choices.

Self-esteem can be high or low. Children with high self-esteem have self-esteem, a positive self-image, and self-confidence.

Self-esteem does not determine a child's chances of succeeding academically, but it can influence whether he or she feels happy.

Development of self-esteem in children

Children develop self-esteem quite early, and parents play a very important role in its development. Since parents have the greatest influence on a child's life, everything they say and do greatly influences the child's thinking. Let's look at several ways to develop healthy self-esteem in your child.

• Children who feel loved and accepted by their parents learn to love and accept themselves. When you hug your child and say kind words to him, he feels loved. Sometimes just your smile is enough for this.
• Focus on your child's strengths rather than weaknesses. Encourage him to use his talents without feeling embarrassed. At the same time, help your child identify his weaknesses and find ways to improve them.
• Encouraging your child to succeed is good. But we don't always manage to be successful. Let your child know that it is okay to lose sometimes. Teach him to cope with failure and explain that success is not an indicator of worth.
• Developing new skills can be exhilarating for your child. Teach your child new skills, even if they are not of primary importance (for example, growing plants, cooking, changing a tire on a car, etc.). This will increase his self-esteem.
• Having a choice makes a child feel good. Give your child the opportunity to choose from time to time. It also teaches him responsibility and makes him understand that every choice comes with certain risks. Start small: let your child choose clothes for a walk, food, toys, etc. And only after that motivate you to make life decisions on your own.
• When you solve any problem (no matter how big or small), you feel a sense of accomplishment. Therefore, next time, do not try to solve problems for your child, but teach him to cope with them on his own. This will increase the child's self-confidence and self-esteem.
• Teach your child to take care of themselves and others. Talk to him about the importance of a healthy lifestyle and the need to take care of himself. Teach him to observe good personal hygiene and dress well. This will increase his self-confidence.
• Children are naturally inquisitive and eager to try new things. If your child shows interest in any activities or sports, do not interfere with him. Encourage your child to try new things, but warn him about possible difficulties and risks.
• For example, if a child wants to do martial arts, let him do it. But explain to him that it takes practice and persistence, which means he will have to get up early and practice every day.

Encouragement is important, but praise can do more harm than good. Frequent use of the words “wonderful” or “amazing” can have unpleasant consequences for a child. Psychologists say that too frequent praise interferes with the development of independence in a child. Some children become uncomfortable with too much praise, so they may make special efforts to prove that their parents are wrong.

Games and activities to develop child self-esteem

Praise may not be the key to developing self-esteem and intrinsic motivation in a child. But they can be developed through games. Let's look at some of them.

1. "I"

Does your child love himself? Is he proud of his achievements or only ashamed of his shortcomings?

This simple activity will help you find the answers to these questions.

You will need: chart or drawing paper, old magazines, glue, scissors, markers.

How to perform

1. Ask your child to write words that characterize him on a piece of paper. These can be both positive and negative characteristics.

2. Then suggest focusing only on the positive things people said about the child.

3. Paste a photo of the child in the center of a piece of paper.

4. Invite your child to fill the space around his photo with positive words that describe him.

5. Place the resulting collage in the child’s room. This will enhance his positive self-perception.

2. Listchild's life achievements

An effective way to increase a child's self-esteem is to remind him of his successes.

You will need: sheet of paper, pen.

How to perform

1. Give your child paper and pen.

2. Write his life achievements on the first sheet of paper. Leave space below so this list can continue.

3. To remind your child that he has great potential, encourage him to talk about his achievements every day before bed.

Listing accomplishments every day reminds your child that he is capable of more and builds his self-confidence.

3. Positive experience

This can be a group activity that you can do with friends or family.

You will need: vase or box, cards, place for playing.

How to perform

1. Invite the children to stand in a circle and give them one card each.

2. Invite the children to write their names on cards and place them in a vase. Shuffle the cards.

3. Each child should draw a card with someone else’s name and write on it one positive quality of this person.

4. Collect the cards and place them back in the vase.

5. Return the cards to their owners and let them read what others have written about them.

4. “I’m afraid, but...”

Fear can prevent a person from doing anything. This activity will help your child face his fears.

You will need: paper and pen.

How to perform

1. Ask your child to list his fears on paper. For example, he may be afraid to go to the pool due to excess weight, speak in public, or ask someone out on a date. Sentences should look like this: “I’m afraid to go to the pool because...”, “I’m afraid to speak in front of people because...”.

2. The second step is to imagine the child doing what he is afraid of. Let him imagine himself signing up for a swim or performing in front of an audience.

3. Form a habit in your child: every time he writes down his fears, he should write down the possible results if he tries to do it. Along with the negative consequences, he should write phrases like: “Even if I get very nervous speaking in public, nothing bad will happen.” This will ease the child's fears.

5. Mother and daughter activity

A mother is the strongest role model in a little girl's life. This activity will help the girl increase her self-esteem.

You will need: Whatman paper, felt-tip pens or markers.

How to perform

1. Make two posters on which you write “I” in large block letters so that you can write text inside.

2. Similarly, make two more posters with the inscriptions “My mother” and “My daughter”.

3. Give your daughter posters with the inscriptions “I” and “My Mom” and invite her to write positive words about herself and you in the outline of the letters. Fill out the remaining two posters yourself.

4. After this, exchange the posters and read what is written on them.

The hardest part of this activity is motivating your daughter to write something positive about herself.

6. Responsibilities

The child develops self-esteem by knowing that he is trusted. The best way to do this is to assign your child responsible work.

How to perform

1. Make a list of tasks that your child can do (for example, watering indoor plants, walking the dog, vacuuming the apartment, etc.).

2. Every time your child successfully completes a task, praise him, but do not overdo it. If he makes mistakes, help him correct them, but don't focus on it. This will strengthen the child's self-confidence and improve his self-perception.

7. Visualization

Our negative thoughts can weigh us down so much that we are unable to imagine anything good. If your child is going through just such a period, this activity will help him.

You will need: a calm place where the child can relax.

How to perform

1. Find out why the child has a negative attitude towards himself or what he is afraid of.

3. Invite your child to imagine and write down the ideal outcome of the event he is worried about.

4. Then encourage your child to close their eyes and imagine how they would feel if this happened.

5. Have him write down how he feels when he visualizes the ideal situation and what he thinks about himself.

8. Changing your internal dialogue

Negative self-talk greatly impacts a child's self-confidence. Regardless of what others say, your opinion of yourself is what you truly believe. This activity will help your child change negative internal dialogue to positive one.

You will need: paper and pen.

How to perform

1. Divide a sheet of paper into two columns. In one write: “Negative beliefs”, in the other – “Positive beliefs”.

2. Invite your child to write down in the first column all the negative beliefs about himself that he has.

3. After this, help him turn negative beliefs into positive ones. Statements must be clear and appropriate to the child's abilities.

First, you can set an example for your child. Tell him how you change negative beliefs about yourself into positive ones.

Convincing your child to think positively may not work. Children act more based on their feelings than their beliefs. Engaging your child in activities that remind him of his abilities is more effective than teaching him about positive thinking. Remember that you have a great influence on your child. Use this influence to boost his self-esteem, but don't overdo it.

If you notice that your child constantly repeats that he can do it, he can’t do anything, he can’t do anything, then the child does not value his strengths highly, he has low self-esteem. How to increase a child's self-esteem?

To do this, it is necessary to cultivate a sense of self-esteem in the child. Successful and confident people have a more positive self-image than unsuccessful people, psychologists say.

Factors influencing a child's self-esteem

The key to positive self-esteem is the attentive, warm attitude of parents towards their child! With all his being he understands: “I am loved. I live happily here."

If this understanding is there, it will accompany him throughout his life. If a child has even the slightest doubt that he is loved, the likelihood that his self-esteem will be low increases sharply.

These first conclusions greatly influence the subsequent assessment of events. Unconditional, boundless, selfless love of parents is the main thing a baby needs. There is no need to teach children discipline, accuracy, responsibility and frugality in infancy! Let your child feel that he is the best and most loved.

The child’s subconscious will assimilate this information and save it for future use, absorbing the energy of love.

How can parents help their child improve self-esteem?

As a child grows up, a child’s self-esteem also consists of an assessment of his abilities in various types of activities. You can constantly prove to your child that he is a genius in mathematics. If he doesn't understand anything about it, he will understand that you are deceiving.

This means that not only parental love and care can increase a child’s self-esteem. Self-worth based on tangible success in any of the child’s endeavors. Your job as a parent is to help your child succeed in the things that matter most to them.

Academic success is especially significant. When a child has problems at school, he is overcome by despondency. Even if he doesn’t have success in mathematics yet, help your child excel in other things: in physical education, in English, in drawing.

Only success leads to success!

Teach your child visualization to achieve good results in mathematics. Invite a tutor or study yourself, and improvement will definitely come.

Sometimes parents, on the contrary, do not quite understand how to praise a child without praising them.

Yes, there is such a danger. Sometimes a loving parent, most often a mother, thinks that the child’s self-esteem can only be increased by instilling in him that he is always the best in everything.

She is touched by his mediocre piano playing and constantly brags about his successes in his presence. Such parents do not at all demand that the child truly achieve success; they behave as if he has already achieved it.

As a result, the child merges with the created radiant image and does not strive to achieve real success in life. This danger can be avoided. Praise your child only for real successes. In any case, in proportion to the child’s efforts!

In fact, there are not so many people with unjustifiably high self-esteem, but there are thousands or even millions with low self-esteem; it can be assumed that we still notice the shortcomings of our children more often than the advantages. People seem to remember bad things better than good things.

Let's give an example. You were in company and they said a lot of nice words to you. But one friend dropped a barb at you. Most likely, you will soon forget pleasant words, but you will remember unpleasant ones for many years to come.

“No, no, don’t give it to her, she’ll definitely drop it!” - the mother said excitedly and loudly to the teacher when she instructed her 8-year-old daughter to carry a vase at a school holiday. The girl was confused by these words and actually dropped the vase. Learning to praise “correctly” is also not easy.

It is much more common and easier for us to automatically respond to some good deed of a child: “Well done! Good girl! You are a good boy!" But we must remember that the constant use of such praise-evaluation can lead to dependence on praise, and the child may doubt your sincerity.

So you need to praise him thoughtfully, sincerely, not forgetting that these are not just pleasant words addressed to the child: this will affect both your relationship and the formation of the child’s self-esteem and personality as a whole.

When assessing a child’s success, do not compare his results with other children, compare with his own less successful results.

Never compare your child to siblings or other children

Every person is unique - remember? In addition, it is very unpleasant and humiliating for the one who is “not the best”, harmful for the one being praised, destructive for all relationships.

You need to be creative in recognizing your child's strengths! If you praise him for his successes and achievements with the same words every day, this will have a beneficial effect on increasing his self-esteem, but the effectiveness will increase if you manage to diversify the methods of reward.

If during your conversation with someone (on the phone or with other household members) the child, as they say, pricked up his ears, casually praise him for some good deed. Of course, one must praise sincerely and in moderation; children quickly recognize falsehood and undeserved admiration.

For a boy, for example, it is useful to hear his father tell his mother: “Did you see what order Seryozha brought into the parrot’s cage? Cleanliness and tidiness! Sergei did a great job!” The girl is also pleased to hear such a conversation between her mother and father: “I hope that Tanya will help me prepare the filling for the pie tomorrow. The pies always turn out tastier if Tanya prepared the filling.”

To increase a child’s self-esteem, all these kind words can be said to the child himself, but one will not hurt the other. Hearing that they speak well of you “behind your back” can be much more pleasant!

How to increase a child's self-esteem through play?

Game for children and parents “Let's talk about us” (from 9 years old)

This game-exercise improves relationships, increases self-esteem, and reduces tension.

Sit opposite each other. Take turns saying what you like about the person sitting opposite you: “I like, son, that you...”.

After listening to you, the child voices what he likes about you. And so on up to seven times.

You may hear things you never thought of! Try it!

It is also interesting to do this exercise with your husband (wife) and friends. You will probably learn a lot of interesting things about yourself.

Game “Say a Compliment” (from 5 years old).

This game is good for birthdays and matinees. It allows children to better learn what qualities other people like about them.

The game improves relationships and improves mood. Children sit on chairs arranged in a circle.

In turn, the children give compliments to each (or the one who gets the forfeit):

Seryozha, I like that you are very brave. I remember how you helped me when an angry dog ​​wouldn’t let me into the entrance.

Seryozha, you have beautiful handwriting.

Seryozha, it’s always interesting to play with you.

Seryozha, you are a good friend.

Seryozha, you have a kind smile.

When everyone has spoken, you can ask Seryozha which compliment you liked best and why. An important condition for this game is that the children need to be familiar with it.

You have learned how to increase your child’s self-esteem, now is the time to put this knowledge into practice.

Self-esteem plays an important role in a person's life. It directly affects the level of his success in the field of interpersonal relationships and career achievements. Basic self-esteem is formed in early childhood and is difficult to correct in adulthood without the help of a psychologist. Therefore, the sooner parents think about how to instill self-confidence in their child, the easier it will be for him in later life.

How to understand what kind of self-esteem a child has

You can determine how distorted a child’s self-perception is by whether he objectively assesses his abilities and focuses on opportunities or obstacles. If a child constantly uses such figures of speech as “I can’t”, “nothing will work out”, “I’m just lucky”, then he underestimates himself.

If, at the slightest failures and mistakes, the child behaves irritably and blames others for everything, and strives too much for leadership, then this indicates his excessive self-confidence. At the same time, some passivity and unsociability are not always signs of low self-esteem; a tendency to aggressive behavior is overestimated. The characteristics of the child’s temperament and the influence of age-related crises should be taken into account.

Projective techniques will help you assess your child’s self-esteem level as impartially as possible:

• "Ladder";
• "Funny men";
• drawing test "Man".

The arrangement of children's drawings on paper is quite indicative. With healthy, adequate self-esteem, the image in the vast majority of cases ends up in the middle of the sheet and occupies no more than 2/3 of its area. Inflated self-esteem is indicated by an increase in the size of the picture and its strong upward shift. Children prone to an inferiority complex tend to draw at the bottom of the sheet and devote no more than 1/3 of the available space to their creation. Also, poor drawing of feet and hands when depicting people indicates a lack of faith in one’s abilities. A sign of high self-esteem are drawings of princesses, kings, and superheroes.

What does the development of self-esteem depend on?

Self-esteem is defined as a person's perception of the importance of his personality and activities. The key role in the formation of one or another level of self-esteem is played by the nature of relationships with others (value) and the individual’s achievements (competence). In early childhood, a child’s social circle is extremely narrowed, so his psychological development is mainly influenced by his parents. At the same time, the child does not immediately begin to recognize himself as a separate being. Only at the age of 2-3 does the formation of his self-awareness and perception of himself as an independent figure occur.

Note! Around the age of 3-4 years, a crisis of independence occurs when the child begins to express extreme negativism, stubbornness and self-will. Overly strict rules and harsh punishments applied during this period can forever suppress the child’s will and lay the foundation for his low self-esteem for many years.

At the age of 4-5 years, children are already able to define their personal qualities, notice not only achievements in games and communication, but also failures. The ability to evaluate oneself is finally formed by the age of 7. The further development of self-esteem of a junior schoolchild mainly depends on the results of academic activities.

Types of self-esteem in a child

Like adults, children's self-esteem can be healthy or inadequate: overestimated or underestimated. K. Mruk additionally highlights protective forms of self-perception. They arise when one of the components of self-esteem development (value, competence) is underdeveloped or absent:

1. The first type manifests itself in the form of self-satisfaction with minor achievements in life. At the same time, the level of aspirations is artificially lowered in order to avoid the experience of one’s inadequacy in the event of a possible defeat. So, a child may say that he is not interested in some activity, while he is simply afraid of failing in a new activity.
2. The second type is characterized by the development of the highest possible level of competence in order to compensate for the feeling of unworthiness. This is often the origin of excellent student syndrome in children and workaholism in adults.

Ways to increase self-esteem

The most effective ways and advice on how to raise low self-esteem in a child are given by psychologists.

Stop making comparisons

For a child, comparison with others can result in deep internal suffering and cause a huge blow to self-esteem. After all, by setting another person as an example, parents send a message to their child: “You are not good enough the way you are.” If a comparison is made with a brother or sister, then it also gives rise to childhood jealousy and struggle for parental love.

It is permissible to compare a baby only with himself: the way he was in the past or will become in the future. For example, “Well done! Last time there were five mistakes in the dictation, today there are only three! I can already imagine how in the future you will become even more attentive and completely stop making mistakes!”

Ask for his opinion

The habit of adults to consult with him in simple everyday issues can help increase a child's self-esteem. In this case, you need to talk to him as an equal or even more competent interlocutor. This will give him a sense of importance and confidence in his ability to make smart decisions.

For example, you can ask for help deciding which curtains are best to hang in the living room or which flowers to plant on the balcony. At the same time, it is important, at least in part, to follow the baby’s advice, even if it is not the best. This technique gives especially good results when communicating with teenagers, promoting their development of independence and a sense of belonging to the adult world.

Provide freedom of choice

By setting clear boundaries of what is permitted, it is necessary to leave the child freedom of choice in some ways, to allow him to face the consequences of an incorrect decision. For example, you can force a child to wear a hat on the street, but what kind of hat you can leave the right to vote for him. You can demand that toys be removed from the floor, but allow them to be folded the way he wants.

Make adequate demands

All parents have an idea of ​​what heights their child should achieve in a particular area. If the baby does not live up to the expectations placed on him, they experience a feeling of disappointment. The life of such a child turns into a real race trying to please mom and dad: endless clubs, sports clubs, classes with tutors. As a rule, perfectionist parents still remain dissatisfied with something.

It is important to learn to set feasible tasks for the baby. For example, due to the peculiarities of the development of thought processes in children under 6-7 years of age, the main type of activity should be play, and not educational. Loading a child with activities that are not age-appropriate is harmful not only to his self-esteem, but also to his mental development.

Even at the state level, which is enshrined in the Federal State Educational Standards standards, the course task is to develop in children such qualities as having their own opinion, internal motivation, the ability to learn new things, and not just achieving a high level of academic performance. After all, without a certain character strengthening it is impossible to find your place in the world.

Other methods

An effective way to develop greater self-confidence in a child is role-playing games. For example, you can invite your child to act out a scene in which he took first place in a competition, and his best friend took last place, which made him very upset. Next you need to ask the child to console his friend. Or act out a scene in which the child is late for class and the teacher is angry with him, then switch roles with him. Such techniques help the baby prepare for stressful situations and learn effective ways of behavior.

There is no better way to raise a truly confident child and strengthen his self-esteem than by example by demonstrating a healthy attitude towards victories and defeats. In front of the baby, it’s better to say: “The pie didn’t turn out, that’s okay! Next time we’ll try to use less flour!” rather than characterizing each of our failures as the end of the world: “What a nightmare! I will never take up baking again in my life!”

To raise a self-confident child, it is also useful to read fairy tales and watch various cartoons that help raise self-esteem (“The Ugly Duckling”, “About the Ladybug”, “About How Good it is to Be a Turtle”).

Excessive praise

One of the simple ways to increase a child's self-esteem is praise. However, you need to know what and how to praise, and what leads to the opposite result:

• You can approve of any child’s desire for development and self-expression, helping others, brave deeds, willingness to defend his point of view, and optimistic attitude.
• Praising what has not been achieved through one’s own labor will not help develop healthy self-esteem: beauty, toys, clothes.
• It is not recommended to use general phrases like “the smartest”, “the bravest”. Abstract praise does not give the child an understanding of what exactly he is being approved for.

Features of adolescent self-esteem

If the self-esteem of younger schoolchildren primarily depends on their academic performance, then in adolescence, school success fades into the background. The experience of one’s significance and rejection in the circle of peers becomes the main source of the formation of self-perception. The authority of teachers and parents during this period decreases to the maximum, and accordingly, its ability to directly influence the child’s self-esteem also.

One of the most effective ways to increase self-esteem and self-confidence in a teenager is to create opportunities for new acquaintances. The more social groups a child belongs to, the more different points of view on his personality he will receive, the more voluminous his idea of ​​his importance will become. It happens that relationships at school with peers do not work out; in a hobby group or summer camp, the child receives respect and love.

Additional Information. The Budassi method or the Dembo-Rubinstein test for self-esteem of a teenager’s personality will help determine its adequacy.

How else to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for a teenager:

• It is necessary to support the child in his interests and hobbies. After all, what you like is usually done well. High work results increase confidence in your strengths and abilities like nothing else.
• It is important to orient a teenager towards abstract spiritual and moral ideals. This will help reduce his dependence on the opinions of random people and make his self-esteem more stable.

Difference between low self-esteem of girls and boys

The self-esteem of girls and boys can be negatively affected by the gendering of socially approved qualities. So, in girls, for example, well-groomed appearance, neatness, complaisance, chastity and shame are welcomed. The manifestation of traditionally male character traits and interests, if not prohibited, is still not encouraged. Similarly for young men: they are instructed to be active, courageous, and aggressive. It is rare for a young man to maintain healthy self-esteem if he does not fit into traditional ideas of masculinity.

Important! The attitude towards a child as a representative of a certain gender affects the formation of his self-esteem as a whole.

Gender stereotypes have a detrimental effect on self-esteem when they deprive boys and girls of the right to develop all their talents and character strengths and limit the freedom to choose a life and professional path. Therefore, it is important to explain to the child that his value does not depend on how well he fits into society’s expectations. It is necessary to remove from your own vocabulary the expressions: “Do this! You’re a boy/girl!”

What not to do

There are typical mistakes parents make that have a detrimental effect on a child’s self-esteem:

• When criticizing, you cannot go on to characterize a person. Negative assessments can only be given to actions. It’s better to say “I don’t like it when your room is a mess” rather than “it’s terrible what a slob you are.”
• It is ineffective to mix criticism and reproaches with praise. You can’t say: “It’s great that you cleaned your room, otherwise you usually have a terrible mess!”
• You cannot punish a child when he cannot cope with the influx of negative emotions or any shortcoming, making sincere efforts.
• It is not recommended to remember old misdeeds. This way you can create a feeling of eternal guilt in your child.

Important! First of all, the child reacts not to the actions and words of his parents, but to their emotional component. Statements full of irritation and contempt towards a child can harm his self-esteem much more than the most severe punishment.

It is possible and necessary to correct a child’s self-perception. The main thing in this matter is to start by working on yourself, raising your own self-esteem and developing emotional intelligence.

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