What to do if your ex-boyfriend wants to return the relationship so as not to step on the rake twice? Ex-girlfriend wants to meet What to do if your ex wants to meet

Something comes, something goes, something remains in us...

So the past is knocking at your door. Of course, this event cannot leave you indifferent, and a million questions immediately arise: what can you expect from this meeting, how not to make mistakes?

I suggest first defining the terminology: ex-boyfriend - who is this?

If only a few days have passed after the breakup, and your ex calls and asks to meet, perhaps your relationship has not yet exhausted itself. It’s worth thinking: did you decide to break up rashly? A quarrel between lovers is a common thing, albeit very dramatic for both parties.

If several months or years have passed since the breakup, your life has changed, but what should you do in such a situation?

To begin with, you don’t need to look for reasons, Why does my ex-boyfriend want to meet?. Perhaps he himself does not fully understand why communication was needed. Try to put yourself in his place: have you ever longed for the times of your former youth? Gradually, memory erases the bad, and often we tend to idealize the past and the people with whom we were associated.

It’s another matter if your situation can be described with the words “I won’t get tired of waiting for you...”. In this case, of course, you will try to return it. Try not to repeat past mistakes, and do not allow the relationship to develop according to the same scenario as before, because it is clearly a losing one for you.

If we draw a gastronomic parallel, then a former relationship can be compared to an unsuccessful dish. The ingredients remain the same, so you need to make changes, otherwise you won’t get a culinary masterpiece.

What to do if you are already married?

First of all, think it through. Maybe your life is not bland and meaningless, but stable and calm? Is it worth exposing yourself to the risk of losing a reliable “bird in hand” in pursuit of a crane?

Secondly, answer yourself, very honestly, the question: what really makes you agree to meeting my ex-boyfriend? True love, which has not had time to rust over the years of family life, or just a search for new sensations?

Thirdly, if you come down from heaven to sinful earth, never tell anyone about your meetings with your ex-boyfriend. There are no exceptions in this case. If you tell two or three “trusted” girlfriends about the new turn of fate, your husband or boyfriend will also be aware of the situation.

Sometimes the answer to a question is why does ex boyfriend want to meet, you need to look in your joint past. What problems did you have as a couple that led to you eventually breaking up?

In conclusion, I would like to remind you that it is better not to make any decision right away. Leave the past to the past? Try again, because you feel in your heart that this is your person? Should we try to “remain just friends” and even communicate as families? Everyone decides for themselves.

Trofimova Milena for the magazine “With Your Hands”

Tasha Rube is a Licensed Master of Social Work from Missouri. She received her master's degree from the University of Missouri in 2014.

Number of sources used in this article: . You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

If your ex-boyfriend asks you out again, it can put you in an awkward position. Perhaps you thought it was all over and were happy about it, or, conversely, you missed him. Remember, no matter how you feel or have felt about him, he probably had a hard time asking you out again since you already have a history together. The most important thing to remember is: do what you think is right for you, while remaining a good person if possible.

Steps

Determine what you want

Think about your feelings. It's important to trust your intuition in matters of the heart, especially when it comes to whether to give someone a second chance. Consider your feelings about the situation and the person. Before you take any further steps, decide how you feel about him.
- If on a subconscious level this situation causes you anxiety or worry, take it seriously. Dealing with renewed feelings can be difficult, so don't make hasty decisions if your heart is telling you to be careful.
- Sometimes it's difficult to pinpoint your feelings right away, without thinking. Go to a quiet place and try to understand what your subconscious mind is telling you about dating your ex. What does your intuition tell you? Do you feel happy, sad, tense, nervous, enthusiastic or delighted? Try not to doubt this instinct. If it's positive, maybe the guy deserves a second chance. If it’s negative, you should politely refuse his offer and move on.
Analyze previous relationships. Take time to think about what happened between the two of you in the past. Why did you break up? How do you feel about him now? How did you feel about yourself when you were together? There are a million reasons why people break up. Think about why you separated and decide how you feel about it.
- The most important thing in this situation is to take a realistic look at what really happened between you and think about your attitude to this issue.
Determine if the same obstacles still exist. There is always a main reason for any breakup. Think about why you broke up and decide whether the situation has changed. Have circumstances changed enough for your relationship to be successful this time?
- You may have broken up because you didn't have enough time for each other, but now your work situation has changed and things will work out now. Or you broke up because he cheated on you, in which case you need to decide if you can forget it and start trusting him again.
Think about your future. It's important to think about the present, but you'll also need to decide what you want out of life in the future and think about whether you see that person in the picture you've created for your life. You need to make a decision that is best for you, not just him. Therefore, think carefully about what you want from life, and whether you see in her the right person who will be there while you turn your plans into reality.
- Can you imagine him in your life forever? Are you going to move to another city to study there? Will he accept it? These are the questions you should ask yourself.
Tell him about your decision
1. Tell him honestly about your feelings. This is true whether you want to get back together or not. It's worth making sure you both understand what happened and why. Take your time and don't make hasty decisions.
  - Make sure you are somewhere quiet where people won't overhear you and where you both won't feel nervous or embarrassed.
2. Explain that you broke up for a reason the first time. It is very important to forgive and move on if you have a relationship issue. However, if the problem from those times has not been resolved, then perhaps you are not suitable for each other as a couple.
  - If you're still upset about what happened between you and aren't ready to consider getting back together, be clear about the reason for the last breakup and express your concerns about the same situation happening again.
3. Discuss expectations for the future. If you have forgiven your ex and decided to move forward with the relationship, it is important to voice your expectations. Otherwise, you risk stepping on the same rake again.
  - Talk about what you hope to change this time and clarify your feelings.
Make a decision
1. Accept the offer if you want to go out with him again. In this case, remember that you need to let go of the past and focus on the future together. You may both want your relationship to progress less quickly than it did the first time.
  - If you agree, make sure he understands your intentions, especially if you are truly giving the relationship a second chance. It's important to be as honest as possible because he's likely confident that he knows how you feel, especially towards him. Honesty is the key to any successful relationship.
- If he was the one who initiated the breakup and realizes what he's lost, try being hard to get a little to see if you want him back. Otherwise, he may feel like you are under his control and he can have you whenever he wants without putting in any effort. Therefore, you don’t need to agree right away.
- Just because you said no doesn't mean you can't be friends.
Warnings
- Remember, if he left you and you spent many days crying about it, think about how you felt and realize that it could happen again, even if you like him.
- Just because you both still have feelings for each other doesn't always mean things will work out. Try again if you think it's right for you, but if you do, don't expect instant results. Be prepared that you will have to work on the relationship, and keep in mind that things may crash and burn again.

The desire to end a relationship in most cases is not mutual. “We decided to leave” is almost always a softened version of events for others, designed to maintain the self-esteem of the abandoned person and partly relieve the feeling of guilt of the person leaving. Someone who recently decided to end everything may appear in our lives again. What pushes him to do this and how to react if you are ready to give a second chance?

He feels discomfort

“Thanks to the distance that has arisen between you, quarrels and resentments are gradually erased. He is no longer annoyed by what he left the relationship from. When he thinks about you, only the best moments are pictured, explains relationship coach James Bauer. - Be careful, all this is still very far from the desire to return you. Rather, he experiences discomfort from the fact that he ceases to understand himself. In psychology, this phenomenon is called the transition from dysfunctional relationships to neutral ones.”

At this stage, he begins to wonder how you live without him. Social networks come to the rescue, where he dives in search of information. You will find out that he was casually interested in you from mutual friends. He likes your posts and eventually you get a “How are you?” message.

Your actions

“You shouldn’t talk about your personal life on social networks, much less react to his messages under your posts,” says James Bauer. - You do not push him away by this, but, on the contrary, increase his interest in yourself. Gradually, his perception will shift more and more from a neutral assessment of your relationship towards positive memories. After all, once you chose each other and wanted to be together.”

He proposes a meeting

Watching you from afar, but still not satisfying his curiosity, he decides to make direct contact. “The psychological explanation for this is the same - the ex-partner cannot get rid of internal dissonance,” explains Bauer. - This makes him more and more restless; he wants, first of all, to sort out his feelings. Gradually, the situation from neutral turns into a more emotionally charged one, where the leader is no longer the one who separated, but the one who was left behind.”

The ex-partner does not understand what is happening to you and to him, why he is so restless, and strives to find out what is behind your silence, whether you are playing with him or rejecting him.

Your actions

You should agree to the offer to meet and talk. If you persistently avoid him, he may interpret this as a reluctance to see him. The goal is to keep your ex in the dark about your feelings and rock his inner swing. Then the lack of your presence and attention will return him to the best time of the relationship.

He offers friendship

When going on a date, be prepared for it. “In the stage of experiencing the loss of a relationship, we often see hope for something more in an offer of friendship and agree,” the coach comments. “It’s worth making friends only if he offers you a real relationship, and you, in turn, decide to start with friendship.”

The worst reason for returning is the partner's desire to restore a sense of stability.

There is no need to deceive yourself. When they say to you: “You are dear to me,” it means that your ex wants to keep you in his sight, but he is still far from regretting the breakup. By agreeing to friendship, you again give him the role of leader, finding yourself in the position of a follower. However, sometimes he offers friendship with sex. Of course, in the position of the so-called “friends with benefits” the benefit is still exclusively on his side.

“Agreeing to this would be an even bigger mistake,” says Bauer. - You will not return your lover by trying to tie him to you physically again. There is no love here, but there is almost certainly a loss of self-respect. The dynamics of relations in such a scenario will only be negative. You feel yourself in a weak and dependent position, he takes advantage of this position.”

He suggests starting all over again

This scenario is not guaranteed, but it is possible. If you have endured the role of observer, and the other half has honestly walked the inner path that led to a conscious desire to return, then... no, this is still far from a happy ending. This should not be a continuation of the story from the previous note, but a fundamentally different relationship.

It's good if you switch roles. If at first your partner left and left you no choice, now you decide whether to be together. The worst reason for returning is the partner's desire to restore a sense of stability that has been lost. In this case, the internal conflict will never be resolved, which will lead to a series of separations and returns. It takes a conversation, and often more than one, to understand at what point and what exactly broke in the relationship. It is important to learn to hear each other and take mutual responsibility for what happened.

It is difficult to part with a person with whom you have experienced so much together! But it’s even more difficult to decide what your relationship will be like after a breakup. Who are you enemies? friends, as if nothing had happened? good friends? or maybe you won’t be able to improve your life without each other at all and decide to get back together? Much depends on how the separation was, and yet anything is possible! Here are 10 reliable signals that indicate that the thought of getting back together has already crossed your ex's mind.

PHOTO: © Wavebreak Media / Lori Photobank

1. You don't know anything about his personal life.

2. His behavior makes you think he's bored.

Men are straightforward and not very good at hiding their confusion. Look through your ex's social media pages: if they are filled with anguished messages or thoughtful sayings, this fact speaks for itself. You may even notice that it is written as if specifically for you to read. Sometimes even with a direct address to you, perhaps without a name.

3. He calls for no particular reason.

More often than a friend, and even more often than a good friend - that's how often your ex can call you. Sometimes it happens that there is absolutely nothing to say in such a conversation: it revolves around trifles or is completely marking time. If you notice that your ex is clearly jumping at any excuse to call you, this means, of course, that he needs you.

4. He looks for ways to get closer to you.

Literally and figuratively! If you distanced yourself after a breakup because you didn't have mutual friends, you may now notice that your ex is trying to infiltrate the group of your friends. And being in the same room with him, you always notice that he is somewhere nearby. He speaks to you more quietly than to everyone around him (so that you come closer), casually touches you on the shoulder, or, at worst, just stays nearby. And he always hugs you goodbye.

5. He doesn't avoid mentioning your relationship.

If the past is completely and without any regrets left in the past, then there is nothing to talk about it - nothing to remember, especially with warm feelings. If you notice that after breaking up, your ex-partner does not at all avoid common memories and even willingly talks about your relationship - with anyone, but especially with you - there is nothing unobvious here: these memories are pleasant to him, they are alive for him, he misses these relationships.

6. He often talks about how he has changed.

Even if you broke up without mutual accusations, your ex-partner may still blame himself - and, if so, instinctively trying to fix everything and earn a “second chance,” he tries to show you his best side. Therefore, he tries to tell and show you how he has changed, even if you did not reproach him for anything.

7. He's jealous

The relationship is technically over, but emotionally it's still going on - which is why it's so hard for your ex to stop being jealous. It’s not even just difficult: in fact, he doesn’t even try, internally believing that your mutual obligations are still in force. Therefore, he cannot calmly watch you flirt with someone - although, it would seem, what difference does it make to him now.

8. You often “accidentally” meet him everywhere.

He had never been to these places before - but now you meet him from time to time in your fitness club or in the pool, while walking in your favorite park, somewhere near your office just at the moment when the working day is over and everyone goes home, although he himself works in a completely different area. Pay attention to all these little accidents - if your ex has objectively nothing to do in these places, this is a sure sign that he came here on purpose. Who will notice who first - he you or you him?

9. He calls or texts you when he's drunk.

One such call is a common situation, it doesn’t happen to anyone. But if your ex-partner does this systematically every time after his visit to the bar, this already suggests that you simply cannot get out of his head. He constantly thinks about you, so there is nothing easier than picking up the phone and dialing your number, if only there was a reason. Well, you don’t even need a reason to be drunk.

10. He continues to communicate with your relatives

Sometimes your ex's last stronghold in your personal life is... your mom's affections. Well, or some other close relative. It would seem that everything is quite innocent: they just became friends during your relationship, so what now, break off this friendship just because you broke up? And now your ex is already in full communication with your relatives, saying hello to you and at the same time being the first to know all the latest details of your life. Maybe, of course, this really is such a strong friendship, but most likely he is just trying to wait out difficult times, so that later he can return into your life without any difficulty, easily showing up for a family dinner at the invitation of your mother.